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Showing posts from March, 2013

Shimmy and bounce.

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So, a few years ago, on a Friday after a day at work that had been terribly, terribly annoying and disappointing, Matt and I made our way to the Belcourt to go see the Music City Burlesque perform in their annual Spring Break or Bust Show (get it?).

I fell in love immediately.  It felt like the closest women could ever get to doing drag.  It was silly, and sexy and campy, and I loved it.  Who wouldn't?  I mean, really?

At the show, they had flyers about a site they were launching that contained info on classes, workshops, and so on and so on.  I committed the URL to memory and checked in from time to time.

The class I wanted to take never fell on a day that worked for me.  Once, my sister was in town and I suggested we go together.  She wasn't feeling it.  Oh well.

So today, the stars and planets aligned, and I took the class.

It was a two hour workshop on...

Tassel Twirling.

The instructor, who I had loved onstage because her body looked more like mine than say, Heidi Klum…

This Week in Social Media

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Is it cheating to copy my statuses from the week and make a blog post out of them?

Maybe, but I had a really prolific, funny week, so:

The first three are from Monday, and tell a little story...

- I would say I have a lot of untapped hostility, but today, it seems pretty well tapped. And unlike a tapped keg, nothing good can come from this.


- I really, really didn't want to get ready and go to Zumba tonight, but I found my bandana with snowflakes. I'm taking this as a sign from the Universe to un-ass myself from the couch and go shake something.

- If you ever decide to confront two very confident teenagers about their breach of etiquette at Zumba (or more the point they confront you for giving them the hairy eyeball repeatedly), make sure you have one friend who will have your back and one to tell you "I told you so" when you end up sounding like a jerk.

And from there it gets random:


- Legitimate book title that would also make a great porno title: Across …

Wednesday Wisdom

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- The bad thing about starting your period unexpectedly when you're out with your guy friends at a gay bar?  Good luck finding a tampon.









Promo Code

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So, one running joke at our office is the frequency with which we get new business cards.  I've got tons of them.  Tons.  It's hilarious.  In six years, I've gotten new cards eight times.  Really.  Lots of different reasons - new address, new company, new colors, bad print job, etc.

Since we got acquired last year, they made our company name a blend of new company old company.  And then last month, it came down that we were amputating the name of the old company.  So, time for new business cards.

My proof came to me, and it was fine - I sent it back signed off, and then last week, we got our new cards.

And with my new card, a new title:



Now, let me be clear - this was not the title on the proof that I had turned in two weeks earlier - I double checked that right away.

The title on my proof was Senior Solutions Trainer.

So somewhere between March 4th and March 21st... I got promoted.  Sort of.  In name at least.

Not sure how that happened or who signed off on it.  I have th…

Whatever became of Katie W?

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So, Facebook has this neat little feature where it suggests people you might like to be friends with.  Sometimes, I just have to laugh.  Nope, not that guy - he dumped me then lied to his next girlfriend about things that happened when we dated.  They're married now.  On a foundation of lies.  LIES.

Tonight, a girl I went to middle school with came up.  As soon as I saw her name, I remembered a rhyme that some boys made up about her.  I've disguised her name to protect the innocent:

Heather Ferry
Pops her cherry
Every day of the week

Now, as an adult, with a better grasp of the mechanics and slang of sexual relations, I can rationally say, once she popped her cherry, it was popped.  So popping it every day of the week was out of the question, now wasn't it?



Exactly.

At the time, I don't think I even knew what popping one's cherry meant.  I was a little dumb.  I also thought a blow job was just fast sex.  A quickie.  I thought that til High School.

But then, I'…

Viva Nashvegas

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Pretty lazy weekend, thus far. 

I slept about 12 hours last night, going into this morning.  I apparently needed it.

I woke up in time to hit the noon Zumba down at Maryland Farms.  I got there early enough to get a front row space, but I got the feeling that this woman behind me who kept edging up on me wasn't too pleased.  I kept talking with Ingrid and girlfriend kept trying to talk to us.  I should have just called her on it.

Now, there's a chance she was just being friendly.  I have to say, I was a little groggy there for a bit. 
I managed to get through class without incident, but I wasn't the graceful little gazelle you might imagine.

After class, I came home and crashed for a little bit - because, let's be honest, that half-day of sleep just didn't cut it. 

Tomorrow, it's grocery shopping day.  I need to hit Trader Joe's and Kroger.  I have some great coupons to use.

Yeah, I'm pretty boring.

Oooh - I bought some shoes.

Initially, I wanted a pair…

Beautiful Little Fool

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No-Frills

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So, if I haven't told you this before - I'm pretty spoiled.

My friends in Maine recently sent me a goodly portion of maple syrup - then today, I got an email that there was a package for me at the front desk.

Here's what I got:


My friends Michelle and Susan sent it to me.  Michelle helps sell these as a fundraiser for The American Cancer Society.  So they're pretty and philanthropic.


But the point is - I'm pretty darn lucky.  I'm surrounded by love.

Today, I managed to get a haircut for 5PM, then I'll go home and make a healthyish dinner, do a little laundry - and be glad to have all the luxuries a girl could want.

ae

Being green

Great weekend, really.

So, last weekend, I got my hair keratin treated, bringing to light the fact that I really, really need a haircut. 

Well, I didn't get that done yet.  No bigs - it'll happen soon.

Instead, Saturday, I got a massage.  An 80 minute massage.  I needed it.  I really, really needed it.  I even added aromatherapy meant for healing.  Peppermint and lavender.  I smelled delicious afterward.  And I was well moisturized and a lot less knotted up.  I need to do that again.  Soon.

Today, I went to Opry Mills - and did a little retail therapy.  Three tops and a scarf.  Love me some Talbot's Outlet. Seriously - deliver me from bubble hems and blouses with huge pockets over my already big enough chest.

I did a ton of laundry, I went out last night to celebrate my friend Brian's 34th birthday.  I bought groceries.  I put away groceries.  

It's all the things I do every weekend, plus a few extra fun things.

And after a long, hardcore week, it's just what t…

O Yeah!

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So, Canada was pretty great.

We got stopped at customs for not having work permits - I was finally able to prove we had the right to be there with our contract.

Here's my view from where we sat, waiting to get cleared:


They finally let us leave.  About 2 hours later.

Our first stop in Canada was at The Beer Store:

We got a quick dinner, then went to the hotel.

The next morning, per my mandate, we stopped at Tim Horton's:


We met with the customer, did our magic and then headed out for dinner.

We ended up at an Irish Pub called O'Finn's Temper.

This was on the wall at the entrance:


We had a great dinner - I had a lamb burger, studded with garlic and mint, crusted in blue cheese, dressed with Guinness mustard and arugula.  On this bun so fresh and toasty...

Anyway - I also drank 2 pints of a local microbrew - Creemore's Lager.  YUM.

Went back to the hotel and drunkenly filled in timesheets.

The next morning, back to the client site.  I had to skip lunch to get on a tr…

With noodles?

Big weekend so far, and it's not over yet.

Met the Zumba Girls at Holland House - a trendy place in East Nashville - for drinks and dinner last night.  Had a Warsaw Mule - homemade Ginger Beer, Polish Vodka and Lime, fried heirloom tomatoes and a cheese plate... YUM.

I love me some cheese.

Today, I went and got the express keratin blowout (worth every penny), and did some housework.  Then tonight, I had dinner with Matt and Sebastian at Vienerfest - the new Austrian/German restaurant near the Parthenon.  We all had schnitzel.  Mine was chicken with a pepper sauce. I did not opt for either spaetzle or potatoes.  I had red cabbage and cucumber salad.

YUM.

Tomorrow, I start getting ready for a long week.

Turns out I'll be going to Dalton Monday for some fun and games with a potential client.  I'm not driving and frankly, that's all that matters.  I should be back by supper time.

Tuesday morning, I head out to Buffalo.  One of my customers has given me a heads up on where …

Blame Canada!

So, we've recently had issues with customers contracting us to come onsite, but then not wanting to pay our travel expenses.

In one case, the sales guy basically told the customer that we wouldn't charge him for travel.  So now, we're charging sales for it.

And that's why, for the first time in nineteen years, I'm headed to Canada.

The first time I went I was in college - went for the International Comedy Festival in Montreal - Festival Juste Pour Rire (just for laughs).  Loved it.

This time, we're heading to the burbs of Toronto, where I plan to indulge in Tim Horton's, and if I can find it, poutine.  Although, I believe that's more of a Quebecois delicacy.

Who cares?  I'm going to CANADA!!!

By way of BUFFALO!

Might get to see NIAGRA FALLS.

Although, I asked one of my customers, who is from Buffalo what we should do the night we stay there.

He recommended a mall.  Proof that he doesn't know me that well.

In other news, I'm getting my hair d…

Wax(w)ing Philosophical

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I went to see my parents this weekend.  Long drive down to Atlanta, with it spitting snow til I hit the Georgia line. 

Saturday morning, we slept in.  After breakfast, Mom had to get ready for a luncheon for a girlfriend - Dad and I sat at the table drinking coffee and watching the birds in his backyard.

I mentioned how I always hoped I'd see a Cedar Waxwing.  They're not rare, but they're not like seeing a Robin, either - they're Winter Only in my area, and since they're fruit eaters, my treeless yard isn't exactly a Waxwing sanctuary.  Dad only sees them flying through migratorily, once a year.

About twenty minutes later, a flock of about a dozen birds landed on Dad's birdbath.  I didn't recognize them.  Dad did.  Cedar Waxwings.

Within twenty minutes, the backyard was covered in them.  Dad's holly tree was alive with them. 

I turned to Dad and said, "What the hell?!"  He said, "It's magic."

It was.

This is a Cedar Waxwing:



TMI?

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I was at Publix the other day, buying Mucinex, or Faux NyQuil or some kind of drug to make me feel less like death.

At the end of the aisle, I saw a young couple perusing the Pregnancy Tests and smiling as they popped a few in their basket. 

Now, full disclosure - I've bought and taken a few of them in my life - never was I smiling and giggling. 



Usually, I was skulking into the Walgreens or Kroger - trying to look anonymous, slinking to the checkout, hoping I didn't run into anyone, or that heaven forbid, the cashier decided to make a comment on my purchase.

Then taking the damn thing to the closest, most anonymous bathroom I could find to play Mr. Wizard.

Usually, I'd make a deal with the universe in the two minutes of waiting with results.  Something to the tune of, "Come up negative and I swear I'll never complain about cramps again!"

They've all come up negative.  And by "all" I mean the three or four that I've taken in 38 years.  I …