I was at Publix the other day, buying Mucinex, or Faux NyQuil or some kind of drug to make me feel less like death.
At the end of the aisle, I saw a young couple perusing the Pregnancy Tests and smiling as they popped a few in their basket.
Now, full disclosure - I've bought and taken a few of them in my life - never was I smiling and giggling.
Usually, I was skulking into the Walgreens or Kroger - trying to look anonymous, slinking to the checkout, hoping I didn't run into anyone, or that heaven forbid, the cashier decided to make a comment on my purchase.
Then taking the damn thing to the closest, most anonymous bathroom I could find to play Mr. Wizard.
Usually, I'd make a deal with the universe in the two minutes of waiting with results. Something to the tune of, "Come up negative and I swear I'll never complain about cramps again!"
They've all come up negative. And by "all" I mean the three or four that I've taken in 38 years. I haven't been whoring it up, unprotected all over the world. In fact, I've never taken any risks that would really even make the tests necessary. It's just that when you're as clockwork on your cycle as I generally am, going a few days late tends to make you wonder... someone has to fall into that 1% of the pill, the condom, the sponge failing - I could be that 1%, right?
Except, I never have been. THANKS, universe!!!
And yet, I still complain about cramps.
My point is - don't make deals with the universe.
At the end of the aisle, I saw a young couple perusing the Pregnancy Tests and smiling as they popped a few in their basket.
Now, full disclosure - I've bought and taken a few of them in my life - never was I smiling and giggling.
Usually, I was skulking into the Walgreens or Kroger - trying to look anonymous, slinking to the checkout, hoping I didn't run into anyone, or that heaven forbid, the cashier decided to make a comment on my purchase.
Then taking the damn thing to the closest, most anonymous bathroom I could find to play Mr. Wizard.
Usually, I'd make a deal with the universe in the two minutes of waiting with results. Something to the tune of, "Come up negative and I swear I'll never complain about cramps again!"
They've all come up negative. And by "all" I mean the three or four that I've taken in 38 years. I haven't been whoring it up, unprotected all over the world. In fact, I've never taken any risks that would really even make the tests necessary. It's just that when you're as clockwork on your cycle as I generally am, going a few days late tends to make you wonder... someone has to fall into that 1% of the pill, the condom, the sponge failing - I could be that 1%, right?
Except, I never have been. THANKS, universe!!!
And yet, I still complain about cramps.
My point is - don't make deals with the universe.
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