Showing posts from January, 2015


Meet my new pal.

We haven't named her yet.  Nine months old, terrier mix.  Her first name was Cujo.  Really?

The Humane Association used some PR skills and renamed her Oreo.

We'll name her soon, but for now, she's making herself at home.

And we like it.


This is going to get uncomfortable...

I'm going to talk about rape.

It is statistically impossible that I don't know someone who was the victim of a sex crime.

And yet, I kind of don't.

I knew a girl in college who had a meltdown one night when we were joking about something over-the-top stupid, and it triggered something for her, and several girls kind of took her out of the room and tended to her.  I don't know her story, or what happened, or when.

I have a friend who told me casually that she had been date raped.  I had no idea what to say, or how to have that conversation, and so I said something eloquent like, "Oh".  And that was that.  I'm older now, but I'm not going to open old wounds.

So, that's my association with it.

Now, my senior year at UGA, there was a serial rapist who attacked several women, and we were all on HIGH ALERT - and then I graduated and forgot all about it.

So, there are two reasons I bring this up.

The first is that here in Nashville, two Vanderbilt footb…

Infrequently Asked Questions

Are you a new reader?  Well, then, let me answer some questions you may be having.

Q:  Who are you?

A: Well, I'm just an average middle aged lady who can't find a therapist who works odd hours, so instead, I blog.  I'm a Scorpio, located out of Tennessee, and I work, I make jelly and I do laundry.

Q:  Why should I care about your blog?

A:  Because when I'm not busy complaining about dieting, the grief process or working my ass off, I'm actually reasonably funny.  And not a terrible writer.

Q:  I've been reading for awhile, and you're not a great writer.  When are you planning to get funny?

A: Huh, yeah?  Where's your blog?  Where's your funny little blog?

Q:  How do you come up with titles for your posts? 

A:  Often, they're obscure lyrics.  Take my recent post entitled "Don'tcha Just Love It?"  They are from a song called Chicka Boom, Chicka Boom - and the song starts with, "Last night, I had a crazy dream..."   - since …

Don'tcha Just Love It?

I had a dream that I was talking on the phone with my father. It felt real. It felt so real and it sounded just like him. I said, "But you're dead!"

He assured me he was alive and he was fine. And we hung up. And I was so frustrated because I wanted to ask him so many things but I wasn't prepared.

And when I woke up, it took me a second to realize that it wasn't real.

But Mom seems to think it was a good dream.  I think she's probably right.

That said, I'd gladly take a dream about eating cake tonight.

Piece of cake.



Work is interesting, at the moment.  We had a major change in management earlier this month, and it appears to be a good thing.  I'm meeting with the new head of our company next week.  In fact, almost a week from this very moment.

So I need to get ready for that.

The real issue at the moment is that all the incoming contracts are at a bottleneck.  Meaning, I'm here twiddling thumbs and waiting.

I'm ready to get back on the road, but at the moment, I have nothing doing until the week of February 2nd.  I've attempted to get some things handled away from the office, but I'm at a loss.

Part of me thinks, you know - I could take a little PTO and get a dog, and get said canine acclimated to the rigors of belonging to a working woman.

So.  I won't, but I've been thinking it.

Meanwhile, I'm just getting through the days and I know that when the bottleneck breaks free, I'll have plenty to keep me busy.

But... idle hands... idle mind.


10 Life Hacks That Will Make You Choke on Bile (Your Own)

1. Not washing your hair every day is a real time saver.  Let dry shampoo be your friend.

2. Sonic sells plain carbonated water.  It's helpful if you like the fizz, but don't need the sugar, caffeine or aspartame.

3. No desire to iron?  Put your wrinkled garment in the dryer with a damp towel and turn it on.

4. Winning the lottery would really solve some problems.  You should buy a ticket.  Preferably a winning ticket.

5. The recipe appearing on the cover of any Southern Living is probably awesome, and there's an 86% chance you'll never make it.  That said, there is one recipe in SL each year that you should make and will end up in your standard rotation.  Chances are it's a soup.  Good luck.

6. It helps if you know what you want.  It helps more if you can make a convincing pitch for why you want it and how you will get it.

7. Keep a few greeting cards in the glove box of your car.  Keep some stamps, too.

8. Speaking of greeting cards.  If you find one you love, ge…


I had remembered reading somewhere once that you could very easily cook bacon in the oven.  So I looked it up and sure enough, even La Martha herself (that's Ms. Stewart to us peasants) recommends it.

So last Sunday, I bought a pound of the good, nitrate free, fancy bacon at the store, and I threw it in the oven, and it cooked up perfectly.

And by Tuesday morning, it was gone.  I'm responsible for some of that, but I didn't eat the last of it.

The guy who did made amends by stopping at Costco on the way home and picking up a four pound box of the Oscar Mayer stuff.  High quality, but not fancy.  I myself had stopped and gotten two pounds of Hormel Black Label - also decent but still nitratey.

So, tonight, I am cooking two of our five remaining pounds (pound six was sacrificed to a weekend house guest), in hopes that we'll eat less carbs at breakfast.

I almost wrote "eat healthy at breakfast" - but I don't think bacon is actually a "health food".


Having now washed and slept on my hair I can say it's actually a very good cut. But from now on I'm asserting myself with my hair stylist so that never again will a flat iron touch these tresses.

I dont have a great picture... yet.

Patience grasshoppers.

I should remember that myself.



I went and got a haircut today.  It was a spontaneous decision made by calling the salon my mother uses and asking if anyone was available - and three minutes later I was in the car and on my way to meet Devon, who has been with the salon for five years.  That's what the woman told me when I called - the longer their tenure, the higher their fee.  Five years is a reasonably priced stylist.

He took a look at everything and asked me on a scale of one to ten, how different did I want to look walking out of the salon?

I said about a six or seven, assuming that different would be better.

Devon wanted to talk, and I really didn't feel chatty, but whatever.

So, I told him at the outset, I wear it curly and don't spend much time on it.

And he told me he was going to style it straight.

What that means is:

"I'm going to do the exact opposite of what you always do to in an attempt to stay in my own comfort zone.  You won't recognize yourself, and if you hate it, you won…

My favorite flavor, cherry red.

So, a friend of mine took to posting these amazing messages from "The Universe" on her Facebook.  I mean, they were just light and encouraging, and I really enjoyed them.

I mentioned how much I liked them to her, and she said she was receiving them through a service she subscribes to - called Notes from the Universe.  So I looked it up and now I receive them too.

Sometimes they're just OK.  But sometimes, I think, holy shit!  How did the universe know?!?

Today was the latter:

Confusion, indecision, and uncertainty, Allison, often mean that if you wait a little longer before deciding, an even better option will emerge, with such clarity it may bite you on the nose and sweep you off your feet.

The nice kind of bite.

I'd say wait a little longer,
    The Universe

Of course, Allison, even as you wait, you'll keep moving, grooving, and living your amazing life.

So that was kind of amazing.  

Lucky, lucky me.


Old Girl

So, two years ago today, I had Lola put down.  She was sick and suffering, and I know it was the right thing to do, but I still miss her.

This is the last picture I ever took of her.

As it turns out, that was Dad's last Christmas before the stroke - his second to last.

I don't remember much about it.

I miss her.  I miss him.

I would love to get another dog.  Someday.   I check out the Nashville Humane Society page. I accidentally typed Humange Society, which is the kind of thing you'd see in a Family Circus cartoon.

I see that there are some 1 or 2 year old pups that could use some love. 

I know it's not the right time.

I have to hope that much like when the time was right for Lola, she appeared.

I'm still sad, of course - but hopeful.

And I was so lucky to have 14 wonderful, fun, furry years with my old girl.

Yesterday was plain awful.

I had kind of a meltdown/breakthrough yesterday.

Side note - I used to work for an ophthalmic clinic where we had a patient known colloquially as "freak out/throw up man" because he used to (you guessed it) freak out and throw up while at the office.

The slash mark reminded me of that.

I decided that I thought I was angry, related to grief.  I'm not.  I'm sad about my father and Lola.

I'm angry about some bullshit at work.

This is nothing new, but I'm newly in touch with it.

And as my girl Martha would say, "That's a good thing."

Merry, merry.


But it doesn't rhyme...

This is a poem I read in a French class my freshman year of college.  I loved it. Loved. It.  You'll notice it's in French and English - it was written by a French Canadian poet to express her feelings about being a Francophone in Canada.  If you want to  read the translated version, it will likely make more sense to you.  I'm posting it as it was written, because I love it, and because I can.

Michèle Lalonde
Speak white

Speak white
il est si beau de vous entendre
parler de Paradise Lost
ou du profil gracieux et anonyme qui tremble dans les sonnets de Shakespeare
nous sommes un peuple inculte et bègue
mais ne sommes pas sourds au génie d'une langue
parlez avec l'accent de Milton et Byron et Shelley et Keats
speak white
et pardonnez-nous de n'avoir pour réponse
que les chants rauques de nos ancêtres
et le chagrin de Nelligan 

speak white
parlez de choses et d'autres
parlez-nous de la Grande Charte
ou du monument à Lincoln
du charme gris de la Tamise
de l'e…

Lines of Communication

Another conversation with my body - you might want to skip this if you're easily grossed out:

Me:  Hey, yo, carcass - what's up?

Body:  I'm not really enjoying what you're feeding me.

Me:  Clearly.  I mean - you are digesting that stuff in a way that feels a little hostile.

Body:  Yeah - what can I say, I'm not digging the salads too much.  And the spicy is killing me.

Me: I'm going to have to call bullshit, because you've been weird with everything I've eaten this past month.

Body: Yeah, shit happens, I guess.

Me: Look, I eat bland, I get heartburn anyway.  I eat right or I eat like a sailor on shore leave and either way, I get the shits... what is with you?

Body:  Maybe you should give up caffeine and sugar.

Me: I would love to, but you keep begging me for them.

Body:  Drink water, eat fruit.  DUH.

Me:  If you would let me sleep eight hours a night, I would.

Body:  It's my fault?

Me:  Yes - with my mind racing, and the reflux, and the apnea, and w…

As seen in my kitchen...

My boss gave me an Amazon gift card for Christmas - I used it to buy a cover for my new Kindle, and a Veggetti.

What, pray tell, is a Veggetti, you ask?

Well, it's a gadget that turns vegetable into ribbons of "pasta".

It's pretty cool.  And OK, eating zucchini that looks like pasta isn't as good as eating pasta.  What is?  Right.  But, it's better for you, and frankly, it's tasty...  so, why not?

We're doing a Weight Loss Challenge at work, and I could, in theory, win some money - but more importantly, I could lose some weight.

So, if it means I turn pounds of carrots, squash and zucchini into dinners...

So be it.

And it's kind of fun?

Sigh.  It's come to this.

Look, I've spent the last 3 years eating whatever I wanted, as much as I could hold.  And now I'm trying to trick my body into eating less.  My body is all, "Wait, didn't we usually get some candy around 2PM?  This Jell-O isn't candy."    And I'm all, &quo…

Rising from the Ashes

Here's the scoop.  I had a fun weekend.  I slept.  A lot.  I played a lot of Little Big Planet 3, and I suck at it.  I went to a party, I slept some more, did a little laundry, ran a few errands, and now we're watching hockey, and I am dreading the hell out of the coming week.

They are sending me to Phenix City, Alabama to do some training for a customer.  It's fine - I'll get a head start on making Diamond Tier with Hilton.  It's good to have some goals.

The bad news is that, as you might imagine, there's not a great way to get to Phenix City from here.  I mean, a flight to Columbus, GA is $1048.  And a flight to Atlanta requires me to go either through Charlotte or Denver, and costs $331.  And even then, it's another 1.5 hour drive to Phenix City.

So, I'll drive.  5 hours and 20 minutes.  Unless I go the other way, and it's 5 hours and 30 minutes.  I mean the question is, do I prefer to go I-65 or I-24.  I mean choices, people.

Anyway.  It's a…

You say you want a resolution?

Well, it's the first day of 2015.  So far, so good.  Matt, Jim and I went downtown and kicked it at the Central Time Zone's New Year's Rockin' Eve broadcast site.  That's right, folks!  The advantage of being the current "It" City is that ABC decided to have us host part of their show.

And since I could, I got a room downtown with my Hilton points.  So we killed a fifth of Tito's up in the room and wandered back and forth between hotel and street party.  It was excellent. 

And the room was amazing. I slept great, just not quite enough - which brings me to my first resolution:

1. Sleep better.  I need to see about getting a machine so I can stop snoring.  But I'm also planning to turning the bedroom into more of a sanctuary.  The new pillows are just the start.  I'm also contemplating new sheets.  High thread count, lavender laundry detergent... why not?

2. Eat better.  This one is obvious, and will assist in the previous resolution.  I need to…