Showing posts from September, 2012


I'm not a girl you write poems about.  Maybe limericks.  Maybe.  But I'm not a sonnets, or villanelles or even a free verse kind of girl.

So earlier this week, when one of my friends from Maine sent me a haiku he'd written for me about my time in Maine, I was taken aback.  Perhaps nobody told him I'm not that girl.

Here is what he wrote:

A little pointed correspondence...

Here's something I wrote and sent to the powers that be at the State Fair:


So, at sundown, began Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement.  I celebrated, not by fasting, as is customary, but by eating barbecue.

It was delicious.  Sorry.

Here's my annual post about what I need to atone for from the previous year.

Not much, as it happens (ahaahahahahahahahahahah).

I am sorry for all the times I lost patience, which were many.  I would argue that I kept my patience more that not, but it's not the Jewish day of patting myself on the back, so...

I'm sorry for angry and unkind thoughts.  Were I to get into specifics here, I'd develop carpal tunnel.  Let's just leave it at that.

I regret not getting to any baseball games this year.  What is up with that?

I gained back 20 pounds, and I am atoning for that.  And will be until I lose it, plus another thirty.

Which means, I'm sorry I have been walking around looking like an albino hippo - my friend Jim suggested I get a tan.  I like the way he thinks.

I may or may not have gotten drunk in New Orl…

Stuck the Landing!

It was a great week.  Best of times.  No worst about it.

Here are some photos.

Blurry pic of my corporate toes. The glitter was free of charge.  The Kool-Aid is delicious.

Me and Natae.  Looking cute, stalking celebs.

Wednesday night dessert. ZOMGZOMGZOMG.  SO TASTY.

One of my customers caught me taking a photo of my own name.  Attention whore.  He called me on it.  I told him I was sending it to my Mom.  Which, after a fashion, is worse.

My new friend Ben, is giving a statement to the PoPo.  We saw a gentleman fall down in the street on the way home from dinner at Monell's.  We parked at Hustler to aid the pedestrian.  Never a dull moment.

Here comes your 19th nervous breakdown...

Tomorrow morning at 8:30, I'll have a classroom, filled with 40 trainees who need to learn the LSMS - which is the name of the software I train on.

I feel great about the opportunity, but I'm nervous.

Because I'm tired.  And if I'm tired now, I can imagine what 24 hours from now will feel like.

The next day, I get to speak to even more people at lunch, to announce the evening's events.

And then that afternoon, I teach another session.

And then that night, I go line dancing with our customers.

Which means that Friday, I'll be dead.

And that's that.


Business. Casual.

This is going to be vague.  Just bear with me.

If you have to *try* to be unique, you aren't being unique.

Just because something is trendy, doesn't mean it works on everyone.

Bow ties are a little gimmicky.  Here are three people who pull them off:

If the dress code has been designated business casual, a tie is overkill.  In this case, a bow tie is just douchey.

But you know, I wore a bee costume to host a company meeting once.  Another time, I wore a grass skirt.  I get the need to prepare for a role.

But what's my mantra to you?  Don't over think it.

You are way, way overthinking it.

You'll never read this, but I have to say it.  You want  to look like a professor?  How about this one:


Oh dear, what can the matter be?

One of the biggest pains in the ass about being a woman is...

Ok, hang on - if you're a guy (or a squeamish female), this deals with squicky female stuff, and you may not want to deal.  Feel free to skip this post.

Instead, look at this pretty flower by Georgia O'Keeffe:

So, ladies, or non-squeamish people of all genders - where was I?

Ah, yes.

One of the biggest pains in the ass about being a woman is the menstrual cycle.  I remember being eleven and just hoping it would start.  And then when I was twelve, it did.


Followed immediately by booooooo!

Here's the thing.  It's messy, it's gross, it's inconvenient.

But that's not even the worst of it.

The worst part, for me, is the 5-7 days leading up to it.  My breasts seem to take on a life of their own.  They hurt, they're huge and in the way, and it's annoying. 

And then, there's the crazy that comes along with it.

When I was on the pill, it was a little more under control.  At my advanced ag…

Born and Bread

So, I decided that today would be as good a day as any to make bread.  I found instructions on a website, and set forth into the great unknown.

Here's my loaf of four ingredient French bread, just before hitting the oven, where it is now.

I think it'll be fine.  Will it be the greatest loaf of bread known to man?   Doubtful, but can I cross it off my culinary bucket list?  Sure.

Working with yeast isn't hard, or scary.  It's just yeast.

Now, here are a few other things I'd like to try... eventually.

Pie crust

Homemade Pasta

Spaghetti Sauce (Dad's Recipe)

Thanksgiving gravy (also Dad's)

Cheese Straws

I may be struggling a little with the diet.  Just saying.

In other news, there's no other news.

I was pretty productive this weekend.  I hit up Zumba, I did laundry.  I cooked, I cleaned, I came, I saw, I conquered.

And that's really enough.  It's a quiet week at work, in that I don't have a lot on the calendar, but we're a week out from the…

Stirred, not shaken.

I decided to take lemons and make lemonade today -  not literally, of course. With all the excellent pre-made lemonades on the market, why would I do that? No, instead, figuratively.  I used some of my non-winning jelly to whip up a little stir-fry.

Now, I've never actually done stir-fry before - because I thought it'd be a colossal pain.  But I found a recipe in the September Southern Living that used pepper jelly, peanut butter and soy sauce as the liquid - and the veggies were all readily available at the grocery store, and the meat was flank steak, which is a good lean cut for us Weight Watchers types.

So I put aside my reservations and made stir-fry.

Why the hell didn't I do this years ago?  So easy!  SO GOOD!!!

I'll say this.  My favorite aspect of cooking is knife work.  I'm pretty solid chopping things, slicing, cutting.  It's very pleasant, I think.  So this was my kind of recipe.  And I…

Annual Press Release - Tennessee State Fair 2012

September 6, 2012
Nashville Tennessee

Following is a prepared statement from Allison Breyer Everett:

Ladies and gentlemen.  I wanted to thank you all for your support over the past six years, in re: my annual entry of Pepper Jelly into the Tennessee State Fair.

This year, I made three batches of jelly prior to the Fair.  The first didn't set as hard as I would have liked.  I felt that the second batch was too spicy for judging, and the final batch was, by my estimation, perfect.

I was therefore, dismayed to learn this afternoon that of the nine entries in the category, mine did not place in the top three.

Once again, my nemeses, N and O Chambers of Cumberland Furnace, Tennessee prevailed in First and Second place, and a newcomer, P Stowers of Hermitage, Tennessee took the white ribbon.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.  In fact, I'd be understating it.  I am devastated.  At this point, I just want to go to bed and stay there for about eight hours.

At which p…

Missed connections

As I mentioned last Friday, I got a new cut and color at the local Beauty Parlor.

The resulting chatter has been highly positive. 

It makes me wonder - -just how bad did I look before?  Don't answer that.

I will also say, the nose stud is quite the hit.

But in spite of all the positive strokes, I'm feeling a little blue.  I think my departing friends have something to do with it - Colby yesterday, the Other Allison tomorrow - and changes are afoot.  People are moving into new roles, new desks, new, new, new.

And haircut and nosebling notwithstanding, I'm the same old same old girl.

Honestly, I'm a little lonely - because I feel disconnected to everyone.  I see myself reaching out, but I'm not really making contact.  It's not them, it's me.  Really. 

I just feel like I'm two measures behind on the score and trying desperately to catch up.

And I haven't been all that industrious at work or at home this week.

Eventually I'll either catch up or find…

Guest Blogger

I'm copying and pasting in here an e mail that my dear friend and colleague, Colby sent out today because I love it.

Today was his last day at our company - this was his love letter to the people he's leaving behind: