At One

Yom Kippur started last night at sundown.  It's the Jewish Day of Atonement where they fast and ask forgiveness for their transgressions of the previous year.  It's a good idea for all of us.  

In years past:

I have posted about things I should atone for.   I'm actually surprised as hell that I posted on it as much as I did.  I honestly thought I'd done it maybe twice, but a quick search brought up eight years of atonement - that's not bad.  Can you believe I've been blogging since 2008?  Me either.  It's nuts.

Anyway, here's my statement for Yom Kippur 2021.

I am sorry for a lot of things.

Wasting food
Eating too much meat
Eating waaaaaaaay too much sugar
Eating way too much in general
Not exercising
Not organizing my house more (although, I turned the butler's pantry into Matt's tool shed, and crushed it)
Being careless about safety precautions (to the tune of $1300 and some stitches)
Being careless financially (getting better, though)
Not giving enough to charity
Being impatient with strangers
Being impatient with my family

Actually, I want to sidebar on that one for a moment.  Yesterday, my sister called me - she's heading to Atlanta today and she asked me a question that kind of set me off on a death spiral.  

"What are your plans for the holidays?"

If I could decide exactly how I want it to go, I would spend Thanksgiving (Wednesday-Saturday) in Atlanta, then for Christmas, spend a few days in December near, but not on Christmas to celebrate Christmas-style with any family who is interested.

Back in pre-Covid times, Matt's family had parties at Halloween and Christmas, and they were perfect for a family gathering.  But that time has passed, and now, we just need to figure it out.

The thing is, last year we got to do Thanksgiving and Christmas our way - again, thanks to Covid, and we kind of loved it.  Pizza for Thanksgiving, meat pies and presents at Christmas.  It was easy, and chill and fun.  We had Piper with us, we slept in, we didn't fret the details, and we didn't have to go anywhere.

And I did a tree for the first time in over a decade.  It was a small silver tinsel tree, about three feet, but perfectly serviceable for a small family Christmas.

And we saved a lot of money on not boarding Piper.  I mean, that's on us - she's a terrible traveler, doesn't like people, and she wouldn't jive with the cats on Matt's side, or probably the geriatric pugs at Mom's house.  So, there's that.  I also just enjoy having her around.  She's comforting, and you know, she's family.  She's part of our little family. 

I haven't even brought up the holidays to Matt because IT'S SEPTEMBER.  I understand that tempus fugits, but fugit, I need a little more tempus to work through it.

And I kind of gave a similarly well put together response to my sister in regard to her inquiry.  She has no intention of coming to Atlanta for the holidays, nor should she.  I am sure she feels some guilt, but you know, she's entitled to make her traditions and plan her holidays around them.

I had to fight for a good spaghetti dinner at Christmas a few years ago - worth the fight because a) spaghetti is awesome and b) Traditions may be different for everyone, but just because it's not what you're used to doesn't mean it's not important to someone else.

So the short answer is, I don't know what our holiday plans are.  But I need to practice saying that, and letting my discourse end there.

So I'll atone for both going off on that tangent and for subjecting my sister to 15 minutes of word vomit last night.

Although, ask a sensitive question, be prepared for an answer that matches the touchiness in tone.

I atone for my tone, is what I mean.

Obviously, I wish I had done something more useful during Covid lockdown, but you know, sometimes getting out of bed every day and getting dressed and working is as useful as you are going to get.

I regret not spending more time with Piper, playing.  We sit on the deck together, but you know - I should engage more.

See also:  Matt.  

I should probably consider Matt before considering Piper.  It's a bad habit because I know he can self- advocate more successfully than she can, but bros before hos, or something equally clever.

Finally, I think I am most sorry for how sorry I have felt for myself.  I know that I have had some challenges the past year (and the year before it).  Isolation, family stuff, political stuff, friend stuff, work stuff.  Actually most of my stuff was a direct result of the isolation caused by the pandemic.  But I was/am a little in my head too much.  Sometimes, I need to pull myself out of that space and into the real world.

I know that it's not all specific actions I am taking, and that the chemicals in my brain are a little off balance.  I am doing everything I can to get back on track.  We'll check in next Yom Kippur and see how I did.

Happy New Year to my Jewish friends, and happy Thursday to everyone else.

May your fast be fast.