Questions I Want to Ask The Kids at Chick-fil-A

McSweeney's passed - their loss is your gain!

Is it true that your fries are salted with the tears of people who were disappointed when you took the Carrot Raisin Salad off the menu?

Does it make you mad if people spell  Chick-fil-A wrong?  If they don’t capitalize the A or they do capitalize the F?

Back to Carrot Raisin Salad for a minute – any chance they’re going to start offering it again?

Are you being held captive by a cult?  Blink rapidly if you need my help.

Is there an additive to your lemonade that makes me want your food on Sundays?

Are people always cracking dumb jokes about wanting your food on Sundays?

How many of your co-workers are also your siblings?

What is your personal record for nuggets eaten in a day?

Am I the only one who orders two boxes of Chicken Minis at breakfast?

Did you know that your diet lemonade mixes really well with Vodka for a refreshing lower-cal adult beverage?

Are the fries waffle-cut as an homage to the Shroud of Turin, or is that just a coincidence?

How many time in an average lunch shift do you consider walking in front of a moving mini-van?

Which is worse:  a mall Chick-fil-A at Christmas, or a free-standing location at noon on a Wednesday?

Is it true that there are only sixteen models of Chick-fil-A employee, and they’re being cloned in a secret underground laboratory in Atlanta?

How is everyone who works at Chick-fil-A always so happy? 

Is it drugs?  Don’t give me that “God’s Love” bullshit, what kind of drugs?

Are the drugs that are keeping you so happy also being used to marinate the chicken? 

Or is that pickle juice?  I’ve heard it’s pickle juice.

Are you sick of the cows?

Would you be a little happier if they at least learned to spell a little better?

Do you all hang out together on Sundays talking shit about your friends who are suffering at Burger King?

Can I get a refill?  Diet lemonade, light ice.

Is it really your pleasure?  Be honest.


Christopher said…
Funny thing: I know four young women who all worked at Chick-Fil-A. All four also happen to all be siblings, although you might not guess it to look at them. One has long red hair and when she was a child a woman at church asked her, "Where did you get that lovely hair?" and she replied, "My mom says it comes from the mailman."