Alternate Boarding Groups on Today’s Flight 374



Entitled Executive Platinum Douchebags

Middle Managers from the Midwest Wearing Dockers

Solo Parents With Multiple Small, Sticky, Crying, Uncooperative Children (and a Stroller)

Excited Grandmothers Who Want To Talk

Physically Affectionate Couples (Formerly The Mile High Club)

Passive-Aggressively Fighting Couples

Crying Long Distance Relationshippers Headed Home      

Drunk and/or Sunburned Dudes (Starting With Red Neck Then Proceeding With White Collar)

Bachelorette Parties Where We’re All Mad at Megan Because She Checked a Bag After We Clearly Decided To Just Do Carry-Ons, But of Course It’s ALL About Megan and Her Drama

Walking Petri Dishes Who Had Better Not Get Me Sick, Motherfuckers

First Time Travelers

Smelly Folks: Food or Personal Odor

Situationally, Spatially Unaware, Loud Student Athletes With Giant Bags of Gear

Those Who Are Reading a Life Altering a New Age/Religious/Self Help Book and Want to Discuss Their Journey

Cocky Guys in Suits Hoping to be Seated Next to a Cute Girl

Cute Girls Hoping They’re Seated Next to Anyone But a Cocky Guy in a Suit

Slow Moving People In Jogging Suits and Dress Shoes

Business Travelers in Jeans Trying to Forget That Their Soul Crushing Job Is Taking Them to Houston, Again

Zone C

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Comments

On the bright side Manspreaders are effectively held in check by the design of both airport and airline seats. Who would have thought they're really good for something?