Monday Musings

I know from both the book and movie “To Kill a Mockingbird” that it is, in fact sin to kill one. My question though is…why? Have you ever encountered a mockingbird? Aside from their uncanny ability to mimic cell phones, crying babies, etc. – these are the meanest birds I’ve met since I got mauled by a swan at age 10. Long story, but let’s just say, watch your back in cemeteries. Lola and I used to walk on a trail where we were relentlessly dive-bombed by a mockingbird whose nest was nearby. I get that whole protective maternal instinct, but that bird was needlessly vicious. Also, did you know that you can make a tequila mockingbird by mixing tequila, crème de menthe and lime juice? Gross but true.

So, we were out the other night at a burger joint (ok Five Guys if you must know – and yeah the burgers and fries were pretty damn good), and there are all these young girls with their parents, post softball game. The name of their team – the Diamond Divas. Eight year old divas? Great. That’s exactly what we have been needing in this world. More young girls with that me-me-me mentality. If you look up diva, it comes as a synonym of Prima Donna – both Italian in origin – but here’s the definition of the latter: a vain or undisciplined person who finds it difficult to work under direction or as part of a team. So here we have a *team* of divas. Something is rotten in Denmark. They didn’t seem to be bad kids – maybe a little too rambunctious for me, but then again – it’s not like we were at The Palm, so it was what it was.

If you’re ever in Germany and find yourself with Scheidenpilz - which literally translates into Vagina Mushrooms but we here in the states call a Yeast Infection, go to the nearest Apotheke and ask for Kadefungin. Here’s the deal – pharmacies in Europe don’t have things just sitting out – even innocuous things like aspirin. So you actually have to go to the counter and request what you need. And if you are like me, you don’t speak German – so you have to borrow your husband’s German dictionary and work out a sentence or six explaining in no uncertain terms that the homeopathic crap you bought a few days ago because you were too chickenshit to go up to the counter and demand an anti-fungal … isn’t working – except to say that instead of merely itching, you are now itching and burning. Now while it’s true that most pharmacies in Munich have English speaking pharmacists, I find that talking about my mushroom problem is far less embarrassing when I sound like Liesl Karstadt from Baden-Baden and not Itchy American Tourist #12. Another one for your "gross-but-true" files. Assuming you're keeping files.

Kadefungin - Ask For It By Name!

The makeover yesterday was a success – I ended up getting eyeshadow and lipstick. I kept trying to get the nice lady to let me try the red lipstick, and when she gave in, she admitted that it looked good on me. I didn’t get any foundation because, let’s be honest, it would sit in my bathroom cabinet from now til I decided to toss it three years from now. If I had money to blow, I’d feed it to Lola – or at LEAST get a pedicure. I really need a pedicure. I wish I had decided to give up some other luxury, like one of my prescriptions or maybe my daily Coke Zero. No, I couldn’t do that - I really believe that it has crack in it. That’s the only explanation.


No Mommy Brain said…
you have to ask for the anti itchy in england, too. only instead of calling it "mushroom vagina", they call it "thrush". now that sounds like a pretty nice name for it but at the time i was mortified. thrush? i thought it was some kind of unnecessary onomatopoeia.