I recently made the mistake of getting back into Stardew Valley. I thought it would be a cozy way to unwind from some stressful days at work.
What it is, is killing time unproductively in search of a dopamine hit that never really comes. I have been able to step away from it for almost 24 hours, and that is a good clean break. My character and her farm will be fine without me. Aside from which, the best part is naming the animals, which I can just do in a list form. My cat's name was Mr. Whiskers.
My avatar this time was really focused on the farm, and less on the people of Pelican Town. By the way, as I write this, it occurs to me that I have never seen a pelican in the game. What the fuck, man? That's nuts.
I did a second stand-up, open mic at Fran's and it was brutal. Just bad. Not enough prep, not enough confidence.
I am starting to see people from my class land onstage for showcases, and I'll be honest, it kind of pisses me off. But they're doing the work, making the connections, and are young enough to forego sleep. And smart enough to not waste time playing Stardew Valley.
So, I have to decide, is that even something I want? And if not that, what do I want? Because the status quo isn't enough. I mean I have a great life, good friends, fun activities - that should be enough, right? I don't know. I feel very creatively blocked, and what is life without creativity? Boooooring.
But is it enough to be creative without putting it out for consumption? That's what I need to decide.
I think the fact that I'm vaguely dissatisfied with not being enough in circulation to get invited to sit at the table, it tells me that I might need to get more out there.
Which means I need to write.
And I can't do that if I'm busy foraging for fake mushrooms and milking digital goats to make digital goat cheese. Although, fun fact - I named my goats Feta and Chevre.
OK, OK - I get it - time to get my shit together and write and perform. At least until I figure out what to do next.
ae
Comments