I gave some serious thought to this coming year’s word. It was very nearly a two-word phrase, but it didn’t land quite right (showing up). So I worked with it to create a similar thought and different way to say it.
2026 is going to be the year of:
Present.
Now, it’s another year where the word has several meanings
and they’re all good.
Present, as in the current moment.
Present, as in a gift.
Present, as in standing in front of a group to share information.
Present, as in here when you're taking attendance.
Present as in fully engaged.
I want all of those – even the gifts. Though at the moment I’m kind of overwhelmed
with extremely generous Christmas gifts, so that’s the least of my thoughts.
I want to show up and be present for people. I want to share ideas in my workplace; I want
to live in the moment. I want to be here,
now. I want my dreams to be about current
day, and not about some weird alternate past or future.
Today marks one year since Mom died. Not surprisingly, it
feels both like it just happened yesterday, and it happened ten years ago. In a sad coincidence, we lost another member
of our extended family who was laid to rest today. It’s not my specific story to tell – I’m in
the periphery, including being unable to attend the ceremony, due to geography,
etc. But it has been sad for people I
love, and I have been sad about it. So, today
is heavy on a lot of levels.
It doesn’t help that I had insane dreams last night and struggled
to fall asleep and stay asleep. It also
doesn’t help that my better half has had a weird work schedule this week. He started the week with a 5AM Monday call
time. Today, his call time was 1AM. We’re normally an 8-5 family – though he is
has turned into a difficult sleeper in the past few years, and so our nights
are often fractured. One of my colleagues yesterday expressed the
need and desire for “a long winter’s nap”.
I had said that very thing aloud to myself earlier in the morning – so I
think we’re all tired and a little ready for a break. And I haven’t been doing near the work they
have . Now, to be fair, I’ve been running
my own personal metaphorical marathon, and I’m also gasping for air, just for different
reasons.
It’s also not lost on me that if I were taking way better
care of myself, I’d be in a much better spot.
And that starts with having a plan and executing. I went three days without setting my meds up
for easy pharmaceutical compliance. That’s a no brainer, friends – that one should
just be happening. I took care of this AM, and having the right chemistry coursing
through my veins should help push me over the finish line to the holidays. I also need less salt, less sugar, less
caffeine, and more WATER. My skin feels
like dusty sandpaper. Ewwww.
So, I need to hydrate, eat right, and exercise more. I keep saying this. One day it might stick. In my defense – we have been hitting the pavement
a lot. We went to the zoo twice over the
weekend, and it was great to get some steps in.
I also need to get more dance in my life. My bestie and I went to see White Christmas
at the StudioTenn in Franklin – and the dancing was epic. So fun.
I will never be able to pull that kind of thing off, but I think it
would be fun to try. That way, when I’m
finally retired, I can audition for the old lady in plays. Coming full circle from when I was cast as
the old lady in plays all through school.
It’s funny – there’s a photo of me in a play at age 16, in gray hair
pulled back and fake glasses – and I look like I do now, age 51, gray hair
pulled back and real glasses. It’s
uncanny that we are what we are, and we were all along!
Meanwhile, I am pretty stoked about the gift-giving I have
been doing. I know that’s not the entire
point of Christmas – even if you’re celebrating it in the most secular way
possible. But y’all know me – gift-giving
is my love language. And I am fluent. Since my husband doesn’t check in here often
I feel safe in telling you that one of his little gifts this year is Sea Monkeys. We both always wanted to have them as kids,
but never did. Yeah, I know it’s a plastic
castle filled with brine shrimp, but even that is pretty darn magical. That’s not even my favorite of the things I
got him, and it’s pretty freaking great.
Look – today is big.
It takes up a lot of space and energy.
But there’s no guarantee that tomorrow won’t also feel big and heavy. Or days after that. There’s no guarantee that when I meet my
husband and our friend for dinner tonight that we won’t laugh at something so
hard we cry.
That is the beauty of it.
Be here for it. Show up. Say the thing. Write the letter. Buy the dumb present. Mail the big box of goodies. Accept with gratitude the gifts you
receive. Order the sandwich. Eat the whole thing if you're hungry.
Be present in the present and present the present.
And remember that dreams are just your brain’s way of defragging. Sometimes, there’s a lot of junk in there
that just gets spat out into a morass of dream script. If it’s messy, that’s OK. That’s your brain at work. And isn’t that pretty cool?
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