I am under an incredible amount of stress because of my job hunt. Because you want to be helpful, consider some of these common comments and how they can land:
“You’ve got this!”
If “this” is anxiety, impostor syndrome, nightmares and a sick feeling from the uncertainty of unemployment, then, yes – we’ve got. What we don’t have is benefits, an income, structure, and a sense of purpose. So, while you’re trying to cheerlead, a better statement might be, “I know this is overwhelming, but I believe in you, and I will be thinking of you during this stressful time.”
“It's their loss!”
Whether you’re saying that because of the layoff or my most recent disappointing interview outcome, please reconsider. This is not the employer’s loss. The employer did what they wanted and needed, and they certainly don’t perceive not hiring/retaining me as a loss. The loss is all mine. I have lost a reason to get up and moving each morning. They have lost money, and time, and hope. I am losing patience. I am losing income, and a group of colleagues I have cared about for nearly a decade. I am losing seniority and cred that I will have to rebuild somewhere new.
“You can use this time to do all the things you never had time to do”
To an extent, sure. But a lot of those things cost money, and as I have mentioned above, I do not have positive cash flow at the moment. So, I can do laundry. I can do things that don’t cost money. Which, we have a zoo membership, so that’s an option. I can go spend that McKay’s credit that I have been transferring from purse to purse for a few years. I already went to Bath and Body Works, where I bought the least smelly items possible with a gift card I’ve squirreled away for a few years. I have a few other gift cards I can use as time passes. I did go ahead and buy Microsoft Office so that I can write. I also have a trial Canva membership that I’ll likely keep so I can continue to create content.
“You should start that podcast you’ve been wanting to do.”
Actually, no one has said that to me yet. Which is probably just as well because, let’s be honest – right now the anger and venom spewing out of me is probably not for public consumption. And what are the odds I’m the only angry job-seeker out there? There is nothing new under the sun.
“Finding a job is your new full-time job.”
While completely true, it’s not exactly helpful. I know. It was my part-time job for about three months while I was still employed awaiting the end of that period. And let’s be honest, if there were eight hours of work I could be doing to procure a new job each day, I would be doing it. As it turns out, there’s about three hours a day. Could I be using the time to be a better Articulate user? Sure. What’s a single license run these days? $59 a month? I’ll consider it. But what if they want Adobe users instead? A few benjamins for a year? Well… let me see what my Magic 8 ball says…
It says ‘Fuck You, Deadbeat’. Well there you go.
“You seem kind of bitter about [insert person, company or process here].”
Yeah. I am. Here’s the thing. I’m having to play Nicey-Nicey-Zoo-Zoo with HR folks, hiring managers, dotted-line managers, my former HR who is holding my severance hostage, potential new co-workers, cheerful LinkedIn messages from people who are newly employed and I know what they’re like as a colleague and wondering how they found work before I did, and my friends and family, who I dearly love, but who really don’t understand how beaten up I feel. So yeah, I have some anger, and it turns bitter over time, and yeah – I’m bitter.
“Have you applied at _____ ?”
Probably? At this point, my best prospect is a trainer job at Credit Union for a very specific profession that I don’t know anyone in. So yeah, if it’s a healthcare company on this planet, you can pretty well guarantee that I have considered them and either they have nothing, or I’ve been shot down by them one or many times (HCA, what the actual fuck?). Also, if you mention it in passing, there’s a great chance that my exhausted lizard brain won’t remember it past the next sentence. If you know of an actual opening at an actual company, please text or email because I am aggressively checking email in between weeping and fits of rage.
“You’ve only been unemployed for a week.”
Again, I am acutely aware of the ticking timebomb. I have nine weeks of severance pay, another week or so of PTO – so I have just over nine weeks left of pay. I would love love love to hold on to that money. Or at this point, some of it. Half? A few dollars? We’ll see. Also, despite the short time I’ve been not working, I started my job search in May. It is now September. So I have been actively looking, interviewing and failing for a few months now. That makes it worse.
“You’re so funny/creative/smart/talented/energetic/enthusiastic, you’ll get something in no time.”
How long is no time? Is that like never? I appreciate your love for me, but that doesn’t pay the car note. Also, it’s vague. If I had a certification, license, or advanced degree, I might feel a little more secure. Or not. I mean a lot of us are struggling.
“I’m sure you’re nervous given your race/gender/age/veteran/educational status.”
Yep. Thanks. I have dissected my demographics on a daily basis since my work life began. I think it’s the lack of a dick that’s really holding me back.
“It’s a terrible market/political environment/time of year/industry you’re dealing with.”
No shit. As if being a 50-year-old white woman with just a bachelors wasn’t a big enough kick in the clam, I’m in healthcare. So yeah, agree to agree on that point.
“Have you considered looking outside healthcare?”
So, pop quiz, person who knows and loves me – what are the top industries in Nashville?
Healthcare
Music and Entertainment
Automotive Manufacturing
Technology
Education (meaning universities)
Finance and Insurance
Tourism and Hospitality
Do you see a pattern? Samesies. Of course I have. But if I want to go into an office, there’s a good chance it’s going to be Healthcare. Or Jesus. JK – the religious want nothing to do with me.
“You should use this time to take care of yourself.”
Noted. I’ll be using the foot cream I bought at Bath and Body Works earlier today to try and get my feet in shape. I will not be going for pedis. I did get a manicure for the in-person interview last week. I also bought about $20 in props for my presentation. Should I send a bill? That mani money would be a nice little chunk of change.
Also, worth noting – I am having the weirdest fucking dreams. Last night I dreamed that my parents had taken me and my sister (and we were toddlers) on a trip in an RV that ended up being a nudist swinger weekend with a bunch of people my parents didn’t know. That morphed into an episode of Modern Family where we were on a cruise ship and the juice bar was contaminated by a huge capybara that had gotten into the tamarind. They chased it off the ship, but the damage was done, and people were getting sick all over the place. It culminated in a celebrity panel where I was talking about Joanna Gleason with Kate McKinnon. So, yeah – sleeping like a rock dropped in mud. I will probably take a nap once I finish this though.
I have more to say, but I am exhausted for the moment. More soon.
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