I had three interviews this week, with varying levels of success and interest. I have another next week, and I'll take time to prepare for it over the weekend. I know, it's only Thursday, and I am already weekend-ready. Those first days back after a vacation are harder.
But in keeping with the interview theme, here's a piece McSweeney's rejected. It made me laugh, but then, I lived the life.
Behavioral Interview Questions I Wish They'd Ask
Tell us about a time when you determined that your team’s new hire was a psychopath, but your boss told you not to judge people so quickly, but then the guy turned out to be a total psychopath, and had to be escorted out of the office, screaming that he would get revenge against your boss. How long did you wait to say, “I told you so”, and how satisfying was that?
In addition to the glass ceiling, tell us about other ceilings you’ve come up against in your life, and how you’ve handled them.
Tell us about your 40th birthday, and how you overcame the disappointment of celebrating it in Little Rock, Arkansas (a landlocked state), eating sushi with a customer.
Share a time when a customer asked if you had children, and then upon finding out that you didn’t, followed up to determine whether it was by choice or if you had been thwarted by the fertility gods. Please limit this to one example.
If you had to pick a domestic airport to be stranded overnight in, which would you choose, and why is Baltimore the absolute worst?
Tell us about a time you were detained at the Canadian border because a colleague got mouthy with the guard and decided to search the car. How certain are you that he got mouthy with her because she was a woman?
After three days of facilitating intensive training for a large group of hostile people, you receive an evaluation that references a brief anecdote you told while waiting for software to boot up. The evaluation reads, “No one cares about your dog”. How would you react?
You are on a client site, and due to a tornado warning, you get a late start. The clients suggest working through lunch, and you agree to this. At lunch hour, they both pull brown bags from the refrigerator, and eat in front of you. Why didn’t you say anything, and how many years have you held onto that grudge?
Your marketing team gives you an ill-fitting polo shirt to wear to a business event. How do you get around it, because there’s no way you’re going to look good in that thing?
Have you ever made an offhand remark about a customer, such as, “That guy is a walking heart attack,” and then he dies of a heart attack two weeks later? Talk us through processing the guilt on that one, Nostradamus.
Do you prefer crying at your desk, in the restroom, or in the parking deck, and why?
Are you OK with being completely remote, or are you one of those "highly relational" weirdos? I mean, seriously.
Can you share with us a scenario of a flight where a total stranger requested a seatbelt extender on your behalf, even though you were able to buckle your seatbelt without it?
Describe your experience with colleagues who overindulge on drinks, requiring either damage control or stone-faced denial on your part – and which of those do you prefer?
What is the juiciest work gossip you have been privy to, and how long did you have to keep quiet about it?
Would it be OK if we just went ahead and told you what we would pay you rather than having to pussyfoot around it? You can certainly negotiate, but know we’ve low-balled and built in a cushion for that. You just get to guess how much of a cushion. Good luck!
How comfortable are you with never hearing from us again, even if you are exactly what we claimed to be looking for, and you nailed the interview?
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