Blergh

Still feeling a little... off.  Apparently, per the nurse who called to check in on me today - that's normal.  She seems to think I won't be passing anything large because they obliterated the stone into debris.  I don't know if that's accurate, but I definitely feel like the other shoe is prepared to drop.  We'll know in a few weeks, once I've done the imaging for my follow-up, and the follow-up itself.

But I'm afraid that I'm going to be in the middle of a drive to Atlanta to see Mom and be stricken.  Fear of pain is real.  I know because I just looked it up.  Algophobia.  Went down quite the rabbit hole of phobias.  If you can imagine it, it exists.

As best I can tell, the biggest bummer of the whole thing is that despite a week of caloric reduction and pounding fluids, I have gained two pounds.  I don't know that the final results are final yet - but let's be honest - at this point I'm not even mad about it, but it would be nice if I could get a little miniature win from the whole event.

So, here's something to think about.  My father was the age I am now when he got his kidney stones.  Plural.  And his were bad, nearly impervious to lithotripsy.  I don't remember why, but at one point, he had a tube draining his kidney through an incision in his back, into a tube and ultimately, a leg bag.  That was maybe for a few weeks or months, but I remember assisting him in fixing his dressing at least once.  Not in a traumatic way, but like you would when you were in your early teens.  

I also know it was around this time of year that he ended up diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.  Specifically, it was near Easter because he pounded a bag of jelly beans (his favorite) knowing that he wouldn't be eating those anymore.  Well, years later Jelly Belly came out with some excellent sugar-free beans, but they were made with Xylitol, and that is a sweetener you do NOT want to mess with! So an Easter time diabeetus diagnosis for Dad.  Yep.

Dad's Waterloo

I wouldn't be surprised if that were my fate as well.  I know that it is in a large way my fault for years of bad decisions, but the genetic component cannot be denied.  I may look like my mother, but I am in many ways, my father daughter.  So, you know, we'll see.  None of it is a death sentence.  I mean, life is the ultimate death sentence.  Nobody gets out alive.  That said, I did not pound much Easter candy.  Not none.  Not a lot, though.

My Waterloo - we are related, obvs.

In non-renal news - work is ramping up in a big way.  Not in a bad way, though - it's just that the calendar is starting to fill in for April/May/June, and it all looks good.  Fun stuff, hard stuff - a nice mix.  I'm excited about what we're doing - I just want to feel better enough to crush it with fire.

But it's hard to crush it when your left side feels like you've been doing crunches for days.  So, I'm going to give myself some grace (my therapist would love that), and do what I can, and keep doing that until what I can turns into what I want.

Hope you enjoyed your Easter/Passover/Ramadan/Equinox or whatever made you celebrate recently.