I'm a big fan of driving and crying. Not to be confused with Drivin' N Cryin - southern rock band from Atlanta.
But sometimes, on a long drive, I get melancholy and I just get it out of my system. Women cry, on average, 5.3 times a month. Men cry an average of 1.3 times a month - though - they define it as anything from eyes filling with tears to actual sobbing. I looked it up online.
Sunday was one of those "get it out of my system" days. It was stress, frustration, uncertainty, fatigue, and more fatigue related.
Sunday night, I fell asleep quickly, and by Monday AM, all was right with the world.
I was told, by my husband that my feelings Sunday seemed "big". Which makes me sound like a toddler and not a grown woman. Sometimes, that's fair. I would say that most of the men I dated had big toddler energy from time to time - my husband included.
Whenever I see a child having a total meltdown at the airport, for example, I always think - that kid is the most honest person here. Once, I saw a grown man have a full-blown panic attack at the Walmart during the Christmas holiday season. I thought it was pretty reasonable of him.
On the other hand, I once saw a grown man, in a moment of extreme duress throwing his suitcase at a wall in the airport. He wisely got the luggage and left. He was trying to get on a flight to make it to his daughter who was ill and having surgery the next morning. As empathetic as I am, you have to keep it together sometimes for the greater good.
My husband reminded me this weekend that once upon a time, I invoked my father's unstable health to get out of a speeding ticket. Look, you don't ask, you don't get. He was, in fact, really sick. I had been down in ATL while he got a bypass, and I was under tremendous stress, heading back to Nashville. I had totally forgotten about this story. But I can remember the guy throwing a suitcase at a wall in Springfield, IL. Point being, it's easier to remark on the bad behavior of others.
So, sure, I had big feelings. But to be fair, my husband gets big feelings too - I just don't typically point it out to him. Maybe I ought to.
There is a piece of therapeutic advice about feelings - "You have to name it to tame it" - meaning that you have to be in touch with your inner workings. As a teen/twentysomething, I struggled with not realizing something pissed me off until after it was too late to say anything. Often, I'd say something anyway and end up looking unhinged. As I got older, I got better and voicing contentious feelings in a timelier manner. I'm still working away at it.
Or, like the Book of Mormon musical suggested - "Don't feel those feelings, hold them in, instead."
I also understand the occasional desire to throw something against a wall. My department won a departmental outing. We ultimately opted for Cheekwood and lunch but one of the other choices--which I voted for--was axe throwing.
It seemed very fitting because lately most of my meltdowns have been caused by work.