Goo For You!

Anyone who has played bar trivia or is just generally nerdy, can tell you that the largest human organ is the skin.

I'm sure there's a dirty "organ" joke in there somewhere, but I'm going to talk about skin.

It's a challenge this time of year to keep my sad flesh sack hydrated.  For one, it's hard to pound water in the winter.  I live in a state of constant dehydration.  But even when I do get my fluids in check, I still have some problem points.

My hands have been sandpapery in winter since my teens. My legs have always had alligator skin.  I remember in my tweens, being told that I have keratosis pilaris - which is bumpy red skin on my upper arms.  It's super common, it's perfectly safe, it's just unsightly.

So, I bought some lotion last weekend that is supposed to help with the bumps.  It is fragrance free, but the weird thing is, the natural scent is something like soy sauce.  So, I'm sure it's one of the acids or chemicals in there that gives it that distinct aroma.  It's all good - it dissipates within a few minutes, and I'm on my way.  Whether it works or not remains to be seen.

My other skin issue these days is some maskne - I've been slapping on some zit stickers.

If you're not aware of the wonder of zit stickers, well - let me tell you.

When I came of age, there were just a handful of things you could use.  Clearasil, Stridex pads, Neutrogena soaps.  Bonne Bell's 10-0-6.

Yep, fun times, the 80s.

I was lucky to have mostly decent skin.  Yeah, I'd break out a little from time to time, but nothing worth being stressed over.   My biggest issue then, and now, was keeping my damn hands off my face.

That's where zit stickers come in to play.  They're these small, light, adhesive patches that cover your blemish.  The patches have some composition that sucks the radioactive blemish goo from your zit.  Hydrocolloidal, or something.  So not only is it actively fixing the issue, it's preventing you from putting your grubby mitts all over your face.  They're magic.  I love them.  Typically, they are transparent so you can wear them without having a big neon sign pointing out your giant blemish.

We Make Acne Fun!!!!

That said, they also make some novelty patches, and hell, I'd wear those too.  

Kids today, man.  They get all the good stuff.

I had this thought, though - in re: the patches.  I wonder if someone could make a patch you could slap on, say, a second chin - let the magic stuff in the patch suck some of the extra fat from your chin, and then you can throw that patch in the compost, or use to fuel your Fatlectric Tesla.

Would that be amazing or what?

Wait, I have to eat less and burn some calories through movement?  Huh.  You're sure there's not a patch?  A lotion?  Hell, a pill?

Actually - I took a pill once that was supposed to make me not want to eat.  It worked for awhile... I have to think it was a placebo effect.  

Enough of that.  Hydrate, eat right, move a little, exfoliate and moisturize.  It'll figure itself out.