Rejection, 2021 Style

Occasions Upon Which  I Would Ask You to Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally, From Least to Most Plausible:

I have a rare deer ant. I named her Sally, and she got out of her terrarium while we were having coffee. I noticed and put her back. Whew - that was nuts - thanks for being cool about it!

There is a six point buck that frequents my yard and I have grown quite fond of him. Uncle Martin and his wife, Sally dropped by for a visit and now it is time for them to pick up their grandson from his soccer practice. Unfortunately, my deer is blocking the car.  Just honk a few times, Sally, he'll move.  Sorry!  Tell Cousin Zach I said hi!

My 13 year old poodle is named Aunt Sally, and her flatulence could clear a room. Forgive her.

You are a judge, and I am asking you to allow my mother's beloved sister, Sally, to forego serving on a jury. I'll be happy to go into reasons, or you could ask her to describe the various bumper stickers on the back of her car. You're welcome.

My grandfather re-married when my grandmother passed away. His new wife is my age. We actually lived in the same dorm in college, but I didn't meet her until their rehearsal dinner. Such a small world, right? Her name is Bethany, and hell no, I won't call her Grammie. Anyway,  Bethany got pregnant, much to the surprise of everyone but my Grandfather, and nine months later, voila - Sally! So, even though she's only six, as my father's half-sister, she's my aunt. Crazy, I know!  Anyway, I'm here to pick her up early from school and take her to the Aquarium, maybe get some ice cream. Bethany sent a note saying it's fine.

I've invited  Sally, who are is town from Tucson, to join us at our book club tonight. No, technically Sally isn't related but she's been very good to our family, and like a sister to Mom. She's waiting to hear from her doctor about some kind of test results and may need to step out to take the call. Also, understandably, she's a little on edge, so if we could avoid mentioning "ancer-cay", we'll all be better off. Thanks for understanding.

I'm kicking myself for inviting my Aunt Sally to my birthday dinner. I am so sorry! That was an incredibly racist thing for her to say, and know that she does not speak for the rest of my family. One time she got kicked off a jury because of her bumper stickers! The thing is, she's loaded, she's ancient, and I know I'm in the will. So, you know - I know I should say something to her, but I feel like I can do more good in the long term if I use my inheritance from her to support forward-thinking causes, but again, that was awful, and I apologize for her behavior.

You're the governor, and my Aunt Sally is in a state correctional facility for a crime she committed decades ago. She has since earned her GED, kicked her cocaine habit, and participated in a program mentoring younger inmates. Her behavior has been excellent, and we feel that she is ready to live out her remaining years a free woman. I guess I'm asking more that you please pardon Sally - but let's not get caught up in semantics.

I am your 9th grade Algebra Teacher and I am reminding you, again, that "Please Excuse (or, yes, Chelsea, Pardon, if you prefer) My Dear Aunt Sally" is a helpful mnemonic for remembering the order of operations. Mnemonic? It's just a fancy word for a memory-aid. Yes, E is for Exponentials. Fine, yes.  Powers, Chelsea. Yes, you will need to know that for the test. And for the rest of Algebra I.  And Algebra II. Now, pass up last night's homework and open your books to page 71.