Summer Sunscopes 2020 – Let the stars
guide you to your best summer ever!
Aquarius - Make no mistake -
your summer will sizzle like an egg on the sidewalk. Parties, cookouts and
vacations! Those are what you'll be watching on Netflix. But make time to catch
some gorgeous outdoor scenery and beautiful sunrises, too. Try NatGeo on
Disney+ for that. But get outside occasionally, even if it's just to cool off
in an inflatable kiddie pool (available at Amazon.com). #sponsoredcontent
Pisces - Amour is in the air,
Pisces, and it's about to land on your front walkway. That's right, we're
talking about love bugs. Sure, they're a typically found on the coast, but
they're here to remind you of the trip you won't be taking to Florida. And more
importantly, they’ll remind you to stay connected! Take time and spend it with
a loved one, maybe somewhere other than the sidewalk. Or the grille of your
car.
Aries - You already have
everything you need to make this summer one to remember - except pickles - the
store is out of those every time. Why?? It's a mystery. Forget about them. You
have a sense of humor and paper towels. Don't take either for granted. And
about the pickle sitch - consider growing and pickling your own cukes as a side
hustle.
Taurus - Ah, Taurus! The sign
of The Bull. Your strength is your resilience and stubborn refusal to
quit. Which is amazing! But that strength also becomes your
weakness, because there are 72 popsicles in the box you got on sale at Costco.
Be strong! Even when it's only the cherry-pomegranate ones left. And be aware
with food dye: what goes in, must come out.
Gemini - Take your inspiration
this summer from the flip-flop. Iconic of casual fashion, good times, and warm
weather. Colorful, comfortable, accessible, and laid back - that's you. Cheap,
tacky, occasionally noisy and prone to falling apart at the worst possible
time. That's also you! You are what you are! Be your best flip-flop this
summer! Just know that come fall, it’s time to be a sensible ballet flat.
Cancer - You know that feeling
when a song comes on, and it's just the perfect song, at the right time, and
you feel like it totally just gets you? Yeah, it's that kind of summer for you.
But pick the right song. I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones is up tempo,
relevant, and timely, but is it the party anthem you want to rally to this
summer? Maybe Lizzo will drop something good soon.
Leo - Finding your soulmate
is a lot like finding the perfect cantaloupe. You have to look carefully for one
that's not covered in fruit flies. You have to squeeze, sniff, poke and
thump... you know what - finding your soulmate is nothing like picking a
cantaloupe. But done properly, both are sweet, invigorating, and good for your
health!
Virgo - No doubt you've seen
these magazine covers promising your most sensual summer ever, or the beach
weekend of your dreams, or 16 poolside concoctions guaranteed to be the hit of
the party. Don't believe the hype. Sure, those glossy covers look enticing, but
they paid a lot of money for all that shiny goodness. Put on some
sunscreen and settle in for mediocrity over the next few months.
Libra - Your summer is going
to be just like it's out of a magazine! This will be your most sensual summer
ever! You will have the beach weekend of your dreams, and make exactly 16
poolside concoctions guaranteed to be the hit of the party. Believe the hype.
All that glitters is, in fact, gold – plus a little body glitter and your
fabulous tan! Shine on, friend!
Scorpio - Wearing a mask is
nothing new for you. In addition to years of spa masks and Halloween masks,
there's that invisible mask you wear to keep people from knowing the real you.
Time to take the mask off and let everyone in. Metaphorically, that is. Keep
your face covering on and let them get to know the “real you” on Zoom.
Well, real enough for now, anyway.
Sagittarius - You know
how in horror films that take place at summer camp, there's always one goofball
that gets offed because he isn't taking things seriously, and he goes to the
Arts and Craft shack to play a prank, then winds up dead with a lanyard in his
mouth? There's a lesson there. You should be watching less predictable horror
films. Also, camps are canceled. Try and find something for the
kids to do. Good luck!
Capricorn - As a kid, you
might have taken an old mayonnaise jar, poked a few holes in the lid and filled
it with lightning bugs. Or fireflies - they're the same thing, but what you
call them depends on where you're from. Not the point here. The point is now
that you've spent a few months trapped in a proverbial old smelly jar, you can
kind of see things from their perspective, can't you? Who’s the a-hole
now, huh?
Comments