So, recently, I overheard two women talking and one said, "Oh, she can't possibly understand how her friend feels - she's never had children!"
That kind of thinking drives me nuts.
Because, it's not exactly true.
She can't possibly understand exactly how her friend feels because SHE ISN'T THAT FRIEND. Otherwise, you're telling me that if situation X happens, everyone who has children will react in the exact same way? NO!
There are a million things that go into emotions. Past experiences, gender, race, age, upbringing, coping skills, family history, and on and on and on...
Feelings are, to an extent universal.
It's like saying because I never tasted Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia, I can't possibly appreciate ice cream.
Well, no. I've tried all kinds of ice cream, in different configurations, flavors, times of day, seasons of year, years of life.
And even if you and I both had a pint of Cherry Garcia sitting in front of us, right now - would we both eat it and have the exact same set of reactions? NO.
But I love ice cream, I know what I like and what it's about, and I consider myself well-versed in the intricacies of ice cream.
That's essentially how it is with feelings. We all have the basic capacity to experience joy/sorrow/anger/disappointment/elation... whatever. Whether I have had kids are not, I know what grief feels like to me. I can use my empathy to understand what that must feel like to you, but I'm not you. Even if we were both white women age 44 with brown hair and older sisters, there would be differences that affect how we understand and process the world around me/you/us.
Don't tell me I can't feel love or grief or joy or whatever, just because we haven't lived the same experience. I've had all of those emotions, and they were all real,and they were uniquely mine.
I know this pressed a button because I don't have kids. I made that choice, and I don't have regrets about it. But it bothers me that some people think that my choice makes me "less than". It's not more, or less - it's just different.
Meanwhile, I'm going to a baby shower this weekend - my friends have a 2 year old girl, this one is a boy. I'm in love with what I got to give him - and of course, I got something for their daughter. How could I not? She's precious.
I'm going to Atlanta, where I'll see Mom, stay with her - and of course, just generally check in with her as well. Like you do. It'll be a quick turn around - then back to Nashville for another full week.
Remember how I said a few posts back I assumed I'd had good results from a test my doc did? Well, I was premature in that assumption. They came back "abnormal" again, so we have a follow-up test next week to see what's what. Honestly, it's a nothingburger, but they have a "protocol" that they have to follow.
I guess I could refuse the protocol, but on the off chance it goes from nothingburger to a double ohfuckburger deluxe, I need to be on top of that.
Between my ice cream and hamburger analogies, I'm hungry. But when is that not basically true?
Be good, be happy, and grab some ice cream!
ae
That kind of thinking drives me nuts.
Because, it's not exactly true.
She can't possibly understand exactly how her friend feels because SHE ISN'T THAT FRIEND. Otherwise, you're telling me that if situation X happens, everyone who has children will react in the exact same way? NO!
There are a million things that go into emotions. Past experiences, gender, race, age, upbringing, coping skills, family history, and on and on and on...
Feelings are, to an extent universal.
It's like saying because I never tasted Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia, I can't possibly appreciate ice cream.
Well, no. I've tried all kinds of ice cream, in different configurations, flavors, times of day, seasons of year, years of life.
And even if you and I both had a pint of Cherry Garcia sitting in front of us, right now - would we both eat it and have the exact same set of reactions? NO.
But I love ice cream, I know what I like and what it's about, and I consider myself well-versed in the intricacies of ice cream.
That's essentially how it is with feelings. We all have the basic capacity to experience joy/sorrow/anger/disappointment/elation... whatever. Whether I have had kids are not, I know what grief feels like to me. I can use my empathy to understand what that must feel like to you, but I'm not you. Even if we were both white women age 44 with brown hair and older sisters, there would be differences that affect how we understand and process the world around me/you/us.
Don't tell me I can't feel love or grief or joy or whatever, just because we haven't lived the same experience. I've had all of those emotions, and they were all real,and they were uniquely mine.
I know this pressed a button because I don't have kids. I made that choice, and I don't have regrets about it. But it bothers me that some people think that my choice makes me "less than". It's not more, or less - it's just different.
Meanwhile, I'm going to a baby shower this weekend - my friends have a 2 year old girl, this one is a boy. I'm in love with what I got to give him - and of course, I got something for their daughter. How could I not? She's precious.
I'm going to Atlanta, where I'll see Mom, stay with her - and of course, just generally check in with her as well. Like you do. It'll be a quick turn around - then back to Nashville for another full week.
Remember how I said a few posts back I assumed I'd had good results from a test my doc did? Well, I was premature in that assumption. They came back "abnormal" again, so we have a follow-up test next week to see what's what. Honestly, it's a nothingburger, but they have a "protocol" that they have to follow.
I guess I could refuse the protocol, but on the off chance it goes from nothingburger to a double ohfuckburger deluxe, I need to be on top of that.
 |
| Double Fuckburger Deluxe - Now with More Spiders! |
Between my ice cream and hamburger analogies, I'm hungry. But when is that not basically true?
Be good, be happy, and grab some ice cream!
ae
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