Sauce and Chaos

Let me get real here for a minute.  We are in the middle of house chaos.  I thought the countertop refinishing project was done.  I was wrong.  So now, for roughly six weeks, the kitchen has been in various states of shut down.

Pair that with the lack of ability to take out trash regularly, and it's something of a shitshow.

I am trying very hard to keep calm and carry on.   I am trying.

But between eating tons of takeout, the incessant fumes, and the inability to move freely throughout my home, I feel a little freaking overwhelmed. Ok, a lot.

I am also feeling, these days, a little "less than".   I look at all my friends and I see where they are, how successful they are, and their vacations, advanced degrees, families, clean/functional homes, and I feel like a lump of mediocre fat being held together by dog hair and cobwebs.

And while I am happy, and flourishing, and making changes where needed, is that enough?  Will it ever be?

I realize that I need to step away from the glossy social media, and realize that everyone is just holding it together as best they can - it's just that some have better PR than others.

Perhaps the polyurethane fumes are eating at my head.  

Part of me wants to quit Facebook and Instagram, but if I do - where will I get my warm fuzzies?  Realistically, there are enough people of merit that I keep in touch with through both that it's not really an option at this point.

What I need to do is remember that it's all smoke and skinny mirrors.  And cropped photos and snapchat filters.

Surely my parents weren't the only ones who owned this?  We also had some freaky sex-ed books that incorporated Cinderella.  Parents, hide the self-help books so your kids don't realize how effed up you think they are.  My two cents.

None of which are bad things.

Is it weird that I don't have a super close-knit knot of friends that I made either in HS or College where we do girls trips and enjoy our shared experiences?

It feels weird.  Like, I missed out, or screwed up or something.

But I have friends.  I do things.  I see people.

So, who knows?

What I can tell you is that right now, I have to figure out dinner.  Kitchenless (Keto Friendlyish) Dinner - the new, new frontier.

Onward, y'all.  And mostly upward with a few light showers, and some down spells.



Christopher said…
That reminds me of a Laura Kightlinger joke about how you always meet a friend who's at their peak when you're at your lowest point. And I heard her make that joke about twenty-five years ago, before social media made it an almost daily occurrence.
Still things seem like they're going well for you, and that's not just the fumes talking.