McSweeney's said no, so their loss is my gain.
Open Letter to the Sherman-Palladinos and
Amazon In Re: Spinoffs of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
All,
So, mazel tov on your recent success with the show – all those
Emmys, the second season is getting lots of great press, and everyone agrees
that Mrs. Maisel is, in fact, marvelous. With that in mind, this is the
perfect time to capture lightning in a bottle. That’s right, I’m talking
spinoffs! Here are a few suggestions for you to mull over.
You Do The Math – Let’s face it –
most people would watch Tony Shalhoub read the phone book. So why not put
together a series of educational math videos with Professor Weissman
shepherding your kids through the intricacies of fractions or AP Calc? If
we want to put him in the romper, there could be some calisthenics. This is a
slam dunk.
The Moskowitz Files – For a Mrs.,
Mrs. Moskowitz sure spends a lot of time with her mother and sister. In
this thriller, Mrs. Moskowitz is a secretary by day, but spends her nights
taking on private investigations. But her biggest case is the one she’s
afraid to crack… The Search for the Missing Mr. Moskowitz.
Zelda! – We know that Zelda
gets days off. What does she do with them? This series answers that
question and hilarity ensues. Zelda is the mid-century heroine we all
need. She cleans up messes, whips up a gorgeous goulash, and looks good
doing it.
Rose in Bloom – Did you ugly cry
when Rose handed her beloved dachshund Simone to the landlady and got in the
cab to leave Paris? Sure, we all did! So let’s get Rose back where
she belongs. It writes itself! And it appeals to lovers of dogs,
Paris, and anyone who has ever wanted to walk out of their current life and
into a newer, better, Frencher one.
E-nalysis – It’s 1990, and
thirtysomething Ethan Maisel is in crisis and in therapy. Explore the
effects of an unstable childhood as Ethan and his analyst peel back the layers
of the onion that is his life. When he’s not on the couch, he and
his sister Esther are trying to save their family’s crumbling garment
empire. This one has some serious flashback potential!
Life with the Clearys – What makes
the Clearys so different from any other adorable TV family from the
sixties? What if I told you they were sent here from another universe to
try to find out what makes Earthlings tick? It’s part domestic comedy,
part science fiction, and all television gold. Is that Imogene’s meatloaf
I smell? Or is it sizzling hot ratings?
Ad Astrid Per Aspera – This is the
story of Astrid Weissman. What’s a nice shiksa like you doing with
a meshugge family like this? Ths show discovers Astrid’s origin
story. We explore her strained relationship with her own family, her
struggling relationship with the Weissmans, and her relentless optimism in
handling it all. It’s a classic fish-out-of-water story with a cheerful,
sympathetic heroine. Let’s be honest – it’s a shame to waste Justine
Lupe’s shayne punim, nu?
And I’m just scratching the surface here. We haven’t even
touched the Steiner Mountain Resort, The Basement Girls of B. Altman, or Luigi,
the kid who puts on “TV shows” for his family in the window of Susie’s
apartment.
One very important caveat and it’s a deal breaker. There cannot
be a Sophie Lennon spin-off. Nobody wants that. Even Jane Lynch
would agree. Put that on your plate! But call me!
Sincerely,
Allison
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