This morning, I found myself being especially profound, about some rather banal things. A friend of mine was asking advice about a conversation she should have with her doctor, and I gave her a few talking points.
Then she was so pleased with that, she asked what she should say to one of her kids about an issue they were working through, so I came up with thoughts on that as well.
I like thinking of ways to say things. I especially like it when they are eloquent, or poignant, or funny - even if the humor is only apparent to me.
I like words. I like words a lot.
But I need to embrace actions.
Yesterday, during the afternoon, I was dealing with some melancholia. The kind of feeling bad that makes you happy that you are committed enough to the world around you to occasionally feel deeply sad about things you know are only temporary. Confusing enough?
Regardless, I cried it out, did some chores around the house, and got a really good night's sleep. This morning, I woke up feeling lose, rested and feeling genuinely happy (as usual).
I took care of two kind of small things today that I have intended to do for awhile - that felt good. I have also tried to engage with the people around me. The dental hygienist who poked and prodded me in the mouth, my co-workers, the guy who made my shaved ice, a few quick messages to friends.
Tomorrow, I'm having dinner with an old friend and her wife. I have known her since before I moved to Nashville - she and Matt used to work together. She's a therapist in California now, and I really enjoy her. The last time I traveled to California, I met her for dinner, and I honestly thing that may be the last time I saw her. Through her, I made another friend, and through both of them met several other interesting people. It's all about connection.
At this time of year, I think we need to focus on making those connections. It's easy to get lost in the presents, and the food, and the parties, and the drama, but you know, ultimately, I want to spend time with people I care about. That may mean having to machete my way through the other stuff, but I want to get less, and eat less and worry less, and I want to love, and talk, and laugh some more.
So, instead of keeping my head down and "getting by" or "plowing through" til the end of the year, I am going to keep my head up. I want to be present, and engaged, and aware.
That's the what, now I just have to figure out the how.
I'll keep you posted.