We haven't done this in awhile so here we go - Infrequently Asked Questions:

Q:  How do you reconcile your slavish devotion to Chick-fil-A and James Avery, given that you aren't down with JC?

A:  I'll actually take the last part first.  I'm totally down with Jesus, in that I think he was a good person who lived his life in a way worthy of emulation.  Do I believe that he is the literal son of God?  No.  I don't.  As such, I'm not a Christian.  It's a basic prerequisite.   That said, I have nothing against Christ or the people who follow him as I think he intended.

A great example of this would be another JC we all know and love-  Jimmy Carter,  He wasn't the best president, but he is a Christian in what I believe to be the true sense of the word.  He helps his fellow man, he is kind and patient and all the things I think people claiming to be Christians should be.

But back to the Chick-fil-A part of the question.  Look, I love their grilled chicken sandwiches.  They're healthy, they taste good.  Their diet lemonade is delicious and the kids that work there are so fucking polite.  I love the customer service.  Love.  I cannot stress that enough.  During the whole homophobic fracas, I boycotted for awhile, but after some time, I got dispensation from some of my gay friends who also agree a good chicken biscuit is worth selling out for from time to time.

As for the James Avery thing.  Yes, much of their jewelry is Christian themed.  But they also have a lot of nature themed jewelry and it's reasonably priced, and again - they have killer customer service.  I make no apologies.

Q:  To that end, can you tell us about your recent purchase?

Pay no attention to the hand, focus on the ring.

A:  Gladly.  Last week I bought a sterling ring for my right hand - it's a pair of feathers that create a circle.  It is called the "Birds of a Feather" ring.  I bought it as a tribute to my father and my relationship.  We both loved bird watching and were very similar.  So, I went ahead and did that.  I may get it engraved at some point.

Q:  Good God, woman - what is wrong with your hand?

A:  Yeah, they're a mess.  We're coming out of winter where they're constantly dry.  I've been doing tons of kitchen work, which ensures they stay chapped and red.  And while I am constantly moisturizing, I also wash my hands a lot, because I'm also constantly hitting the ladies room.

Q:  Why is that?

A:   Some of the meds I'm on give me a serious case of cotton mouth, so I drink a lot of fluids.  And I thereby pee a lot.  And as the daughter of a nurse, I had handwashing beaten into me.

Q:  You mentioned your meds, and often claim to require a lot of chemical intervention to keep you street legal.  How many pills are you currently taking?

A:   Enough that I bought myself an AM/PM pill case.  So, let's see.  I take a few pills for weight related issues  - co-morbidities, they're called - my hope is to eventually get off  of them.  I take one that keeps me on an even keel mentally.  At the moment, I also have a super dose of Vitamin D that I have to take once a week.  Once I'm done with those, I have to start an OTC daily D supplement.   So, basically, I rattle when I walk.

Q:  I know for awhile you had some problems with low iron.  How is that going?

A:  Great!  Getting an IUD made all the difference in the world. I also attribute a lot to our pressure cooker.  We eat a lot of greens and beans that we wouldn't have in the past.

Q:  You are a huge advocate of your Instant Pot (and your IUD).  How many people do you think you've influenced to get one?  And we mean Instant Pot, please.

A:  Easily a dozen.  We had a day in our department when seven people bought it on sale through Amazon Prime - and I know at least one or two others.  I'm a tastemaker.  I wish they'd offer me a commission.

Q:  Other than Chick-fil-A, what's on the menu these days?

A:  We're eating a lot of lean protein, lots of veggies and tons of fruit.  My recent obsession is powdered peanut butter.  I mix it with vanilla yogurt, banana and Cheerios for breakfast.  It's amazing.  I'm eating a ton of berries.  Prunes. Greens.  Canned tomatoes.  I haven't had sugar in about two months.

Q:  So, what's the emoji for five years cancer free?

A:  I don't know.  Unicorn, party hat, balloon?  Probably all of them.

Ok, ok - I took that last one from an ad that plays here in Nashville incessantly - it's on a rotation with three others from the same facility.  This one is by far my favorite because it feels kind of real, and less cheesy.  She's also the oldest of the four child actors, so there's some actual nuance here.

Anyway, enjoy:

You're more than welcome to watch the others.  Except for the fact that they run it too much, I think it's a great ad.  The others are good to watch to get the sweet taste out of your mouth.

That's all we have time for today, y'all.  See you next time.



Christopher said…
A huge, huge, huge congratulations on being five years cancer free. Heck, that's pretty much a free pass to eat Chick-Fil-A if you want.
Also they did help put four friends of mine through college back in the 1980's so while I'm very pro-LGBT rights (as are all four of my friends) that was a good thing.
And the ring is amazing. I really didn't notice your hand. And even if I did I know a writer whose writing space was so cold one winter she developed chilblains.
Those are really a thing and not just some weird condition you only read about in Victorian novels.