What's In a Name?

Today is my company's annual chili cook-off.  I can't remember how many years I've done it - one or two, at least.  One memorable year that I didn't do it was the year I made a huge pot of amazing chili, left it to simmer in the crock pot, and then around 1AM was struck down with the most violent gastrointestinal bug.  In the morning, I called in to work and begged my husband to put the chili down the disposal as I wasn't certain it wasn't "infected", and the smell was making me sick.

I'm often traveling on cook-off day, but today, I'm here.  So I brought in some Chicken Chili - it's more green than white, but it's not a typical red chili.  It's not an actual recipe, either.  I just started throwing things into the instant pot, and now we have a gallon of chili simmering in the breakroom.  It's a little soupy at the moment, but it's cooking up, and at 11AM, I'll throw in a container of sour cream and a ton of cheese.  It'll be fine.

That said, I've been working on what to *call* this chili.  Several of the other entrants have names like "Caveman Chili (w Ground Falcon Meat)", or "Meaty Man Chili"  or "Freddie's Smoked Patriot Chili".  So I've spent some time thinking about what I would name my chili.  On the sign up sheet, I gave it the name "Whatever Meat Is Cheap" chili.

Here were several thoughts:

Superb Owl Chili (Are we sure that's chicken?)

Super Bowel Chili (Fiber is like Brillo for your insides.)

White Supreme Chili (Too political?)

Can't Resist Chili (Too subtly political?)

Delicate Lady Chili (Since there are a number of "man"-themed entries, why not?)

Tom Brady's Tears Chili (Fuck the Patriots!)

Chili con Fuck It (Too profane for the office.)

Valued Contributor Chili (This is the standard "score" we get on evaluations every year - it's kind of a running joke that whether you are the best employee or the worst, this is what you'll get on your eval every single time.  It is a 3 out of 5 - but so many people got upset with getting a 3, that they had to redo the scale.  It's still a 3.)

Better than Eric's Chili (Just to screw with Eric, who I actually like.)

Don't Worry, My Kitchen's Clean Chili (For the cootie-phobic)

What's Your Acceptable Threshold for Dog Hair? Chili (Just in case...)

The Big Game Chili (Because Super Bowl is trademarked, and that's ridiculous)

Free Lunch Chili (What do you care what's in it?  Eat up, ingrate!)

I think I'm going with Delicate Lady Chili for today.  I'll let you know if I win anything.  I know for sure I'm up against a chocolate mole chili and a lamb chili and possibly venison. 

Bon Appetit, bitches!



Christopher said…
While I really, really, really like "Superb Owl Chili" I think you should aim for the really patriotic and call it "Bald Eagle Chili".
Or "Dodo Chili".
And if anyone says, "But aren't dodos extinct?" just smile mysteriously and say, "They are now."