Here are some things I've been thinking about.
1. Avocado toast is kind of a new thing. Should I try it? It is a waste of avocado? A waste of toast? Altogether disgusting or a taste sensation? I should probably try it.
2. Car drivers: when you come to a pedestrian crossing and let someone pass, you're not DOING THEM A FAVOR. You are sparing yourself having to clean blood off your car - after you are released from your vehicular manslaughter sentence.
3. Pedestrians: If you are going to run, walk, ride a bike at night, get a metric ton of flashy lights and reflective tape. Because if you come bounding out into the road like a ninja gazelle, I actually am doing you a favor in not hitting you. Assholes.
4. I know more punchlines to jokes than the setups. Maybe I should learn some new jokes start to finish.
5. I love my gel nails for about 13 days, and on day 14, they have GOT TO GO.
6. I have been a registered voter for 24 years. I've been called for Jury Duty ONCE. Didn't even get to voir dire before I was released. I realize I am jinxing myself.
7. Jumping all over the Jeopardy board looking for Daily Doubles makes you an asshole.
8. I love Brussels sprouts. And greens. And... I want my kitchen back.
9. I'm totally on board with aromatherapy, but I think using essential oils to treat illness is voodoo. That said, I'm willing to try it to get rid of a mole that I hate.
10. I am thinking of giving myself a creative writing assignment for 2017. Details to follow.
11. I'm just angry that I didn't write this myself.
ae
1. Avocado toast is kind of a new thing. Should I try it? It is a waste of avocado? A waste of toast? Altogether disgusting or a taste sensation? I should probably try it.
2. Car drivers: when you come to a pedestrian crossing and let someone pass, you're not DOING THEM A FAVOR. You are sparing yourself having to clean blood off your car - after you are released from your vehicular manslaughter sentence.
3. Pedestrians: If you are going to run, walk, ride a bike at night, get a metric ton of flashy lights and reflective tape. Because if you come bounding out into the road like a ninja gazelle, I actually am doing you a favor in not hitting you. Assholes.
4. I know more punchlines to jokes than the setups. Maybe I should learn some new jokes start to finish.
5. I love my gel nails for about 13 days, and on day 14, they have GOT TO GO.
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| Day 14 |
6. I have been a registered voter for 24 years. I've been called for Jury Duty ONCE. Didn't even get to voir dire before I was released. I realize I am jinxing myself.
7. Jumping all over the Jeopardy board looking for Daily Doubles makes you an asshole.
8. I love Brussels sprouts. And greens. And... I want my kitchen back.
9. I'm totally on board with aromatherapy, but I think using essential oils to treat illness is voodoo. That said, I'm willing to try it to get rid of a mole that I hate.
10. I am thinking of giving myself a creative writing assignment for 2017. Details to follow.
11. I'm just angry that I didn't write this myself.
ae
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