A Tension Please

Last night, I was sitting there minding my own beeswax when I sneezed violently and was almost immediately hit with the most intense, sudden, throbbing headache I have ever experienced.  On a scale of 1-10, it was an 8.  I rarely go above a 7.  My mother, who is a nurse, basically drilled it into me that you're never a 10.  This has served me well.  Nurses take you more seriously if you don't start out at a 10 pain level.  Also, quick sidebar - whenever a nurse takes a medical history from me, she eyeballs me and asks if I'm a nurse.  I explain that I'm not, but that Mom is.  They say she trained me well because I always give good, accurate information - especially regarding medications and dosages.

But I digress.  I had this monster fucking headache that was making me break out in a cold sweat and question my mortality.

I literally thought to myself, "So this is how I die".

Within about three minutes, it was manageable, and I consulted Dr. Google, who made it seem really unlikely that I was in imminent danger of dying.  I took some meds, went to lie down.  Matt did some more research and said his second opinion was that I was also not in danger of dying.

This morning, I woke up from a stressful dream with the same screaming headache and so I decided to let a real doctor weigh in.  I went to my favorite Urgent Care center.  Favorite because nobody seems to know it exists but me, it's staffed with all former ER docs, and while every other one in the area opens at eight, they open at seven.  And no, I'm sure as hell not telling you which one.  Some secrets get kept, bitches.  Ok, ok - ask me nicely and I'll share.

Turns out, I have a sinus infection, to the surprise of NO ONE.  So he put me on Augmentin (the good shit), and recommended Sudafed and Flonase.  Another quick sidebar.  I sure as heck hope that all these docs are getting a kickback from the Flonase people because that shit's expensive.

I ended up telling the guy that I had been so afraid because of my family history. We talked a little about it, and he was very nice.  He thinks I should have this conversation with my Primary Care doc when I go in for my annual exam next week. Agreed.  She's already going to be pissed because I've gained back some of what I lost last year and my blood pressure isn't great.  So, might as well tell her I've been thinking a lot about my potential to stroke out.

Anyway, he called in the antibiotics and on my way in to the office, I picked up the Sudafed - which, by the way, thanks to asshole meth dealers everywhere for making it a big ordeal to by 24 little red pills. I also got some Excedrin Migraine.  Here's the deal, peeps - that's some good shit.  I took it 30 minutes ago, and I'm all, "What headache so scary I thought I was dying?"

Their tagline should be, "This shit is INSANE".

Yeah, I'm not dramatic AT. ALL.

Anyway, no real insight, I just thought you'd all be glad to know I'm not dead.  And/or dying.

Although, really, we're all dying, are we not?

But seriously.  It's just a sinus infection, we'll clear that up and get back to our business, yes?  Yes.



Fun fact: Excedrin Migraine Formula is acetaminophen + caffeine. I can't take acetaminophen because of my frequently excessive alcohol consumption, so my medical strategy with regard to migraines is to hope to God I never have one. Feel better, girl!