Truth be told

Friends, I'm going to admit something here.

I am really, really hurting today.

I didn't talk much about the election, or the state of our country, or my views because I think they're pretty obvious.  I'm an overweight, middle-aged, liberal female atheist living in the Southeastern US, so of course, I feel a little disenfranchised. 

Now, that said, I'm also a college educated, heterosexual, middle class white person, so, how disenfranchised am I, really?

My vote in the Primary Election went to Bernie Sanders because I really believed in him and what he wanted to do.  He didn't win.  Now, I do think that the Hillary camp was a powerful regime, but I think they won fair and square.

I watched the Republican candidates closely because so many of them are hardcore evangelicals, and that scares me.  At the age of 42, I have good enough healthcare and am of an advanced enough age that abortion rights don't affect me personally, but I have a lot of lady friends who deserve the option to make that decision for themselves.  I have a good job that provides excellent health benefits, so the Affordable Care Act doesn't really affect me personally, but I have a lot of friends who have benefitted from access to care.  I'm married to a man, so Gay Marriage rights don't have much to do with me, except that I have a bunch of gay friends.  Some are even married.  Some of them may want kids.  I have, tops, fifty years of life left - so climate change isn't that big of a threat to me - but I have a nephew, and I know plenty of kids who deserve a clean, healthy planet with plants and animals and air to breathe.  I haven't experienced racism.  I have experience some mild sexism, but nothing like a lot of my peers.  I am, by my own standards, living a good, good life.  I have it SO. EASY.

Last night, I watched, against all odds, as Donald Trump became our president-elect. And as much as I hate to say it, it wasn't rigged.  Unless you think that the electoral college is complete and utter bullshit, in which case, yeah - there's that.  Apparently, Secretary Clinton won the popular vote. 

What I feel more than anything is guilt.  Should I have canvassed for her?  Should I have given money?  Should I have not been such a chickenshit and told people on social media that I was with her?

That's what I keep asking myself.

I also ask... now what?  Will the economy tank?  Will I lose my job?  Will someone try and assassinate him?  And if they do, is Mike Pence really a better option (the answer to that one is easy: no!) .

Since I'm onsite with customers, I feel incredibly lost and alone.  I called Matt last night, have texted friends, called Mom this morning - but I need to get home.  Be with my husband, my dog.  Get my things in order to settle in for the long, hard road ahead.

And, OK - I know a lot of my friends overseas aren't huge on Hillary, but they are appalled that my country elected Trump.  Personally, I'm just stunned.

And I don't know what to do.  All I can think is... now what?

I'll let you know if I figure it out.