Hot Damn.

I was driving home the other day and noticed a lump behind my left ear.  And I noticed that it hurt a little.

By bedtime, it hurt a little more.

So I took some NyQuil and went to bed.

And I woke up at 4:30 AM, and it hurt a lot.  Enough that I thought, "I think I'm taking my knot to the ER."

Cooler heads prevailed.  I took a hot bath, kept the warm water on my lump as much as possible and finally went back to bed.

But I was at the door of my doctor's office at 8AM as a walk-in.

I ended up seeing the Nurse Practitioner, who had no bedside manner.  She walked in, eyes glued to her laptop (charting) and said without inflection, "My name is Ratched*, I'm the Nurse Practitioner, nice to meet you."

Literally did not look up, did not seem to actually think it was nice to meet me.

So, while I was convinced I had a good, old fashioned earache, and fully anticipated a large shot of penicillin in my hindparts, I was wrong.

That's why she's the charismatic NP and I'm the patient.

What I had/have is some sinus drainage/fluid behind the ears - but no infection.  The knot, is, to the surprise of no one, a swollen lymph node

So, I'm taking ibuprofen for pain, Claritin for maintenance, and Sudafed to dry it all up.   The kind of Sudafed you have to ask for behind the counter, and they card you for.  Thanks, meth dealers.

And the Sudafed makes me feel... batshit.

It gives me Cotton Mouth, which, fine - I drink more fluids.  Which, because it also has a mild diuretic property (it's trying to *dry me out*, after all) - I spend my day peeing.

Just exactly like this.  Exactly.

This reminds me of an episode of Pee Wee's Playhouse where he has a cold, and someone asks him how he's doing, and he replies, "Drinking and Peeing."

Don't look this up on your work computer like I did.  Apparently, folks, there are folks out there that enjoy... you know what  - let's  move on.

Heard any good jokes, lately?

Anyway, I'm dealing with that.   Thankful that I'm not flying any time soon.

Beyond that, peeps, I have nothing. 

Which is a temporary condition.

Much like this earache that isn't an infection.


*No, she wasn't actually Nurse Practitioner Ratched, but given the opportunity, I'll say something to my actual doc in the practice about it - because the rest of that group is charming, charming beyond belief.