I had a massage today, because my shoulder and lower back were tweaked.  It was good, but at the same time, it knocked loose a bunch of toxic sludge inside of me.

And let's be completely honest, there was already some sludge floating around in there.  I've been nearly a week without cookies, candy, pastries, chocolate, dessert...basically sugar.  And I LOVE sugar.   So while I'm in reduction mode, I'm also superduper cranky.

I mean, don't get me wrong - I've had a few diet drinks with artificial sweetener.  I ate a half a piece of pita bread today, and a cornbread muffin earlier in the week.  I'm eating plenty of fruit.

But no fast food breakfasts, candy bars, greasy cheeseburgers, cake, or basically anything that I tend to lean on when I'm agitated.

In fact, I've managed to avoid potatoes and pasta.  And very, very little bread - and what I did eat was whole grain, with two exceptions (see above).  Less cheese than I'm accustomed to.

So, you know, that's good.  I mean, these are all good things.  But there are moments where I just think, you know, fuck it - I'm going to eat a whole fucking bag of M&Ms.

But I won't. Even though we have one.  It's on a high shelf were I can't get to it.  I threw it there so that I couldn't just  rip off a corner, tip my head back and pour them down my throat until the bag was empty.

What would that accomplish, though.  It wouldn't make me happier.  It wouldn't make the people who don't get what I'm saying suddenly get it together.  It wouldn't clean my house or fold my laundry or do anything but taste good for about 5 minutes.

I need to take up football.

Fuck this, I'm trying to deal with a non-hunger problem by obsessing about food.

You know what, I'm pissed off at a friend of mine.  I've been pissed off since, let's say November, and it's not getting any better, and every time I put effort into our friendship, I'm disappointed.

So I need to realize that my investment is not yielding a payoff, and that I could eat a bag of M&Ms, but that's not going fix anything.

And I need to let this friend go, or at least set my expectations waaaaaaaaaay lower, and, as we said in college... FIDO.

Which stands for


My Fido.



Diets are not the way to lose weight.

I lost 21 kilograms and have kept them off for almost 30 years. I know what I am talking about.