The rub...

I've been getting massages off and on for years. Nearly twenty years, in fact.

I love them.  There's an old episode of Frasier where Niles, separated from Maris, discusses his sexual frustration. 

Niles: You don't realize how desperate I am. Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me.

Frasier: Oh, Niles...

Niles: Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists. When you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not getting any. 

I co-opted that line some years ago, because I regularly pay people to touch me.  Not out of frustration, but because it feels good.  And because I wear sandals and my feet need professional intervention.

So, I was at the airport in Nashville yesterday, and decided to avail myself of the Massage Bar.  It's a chair massage place - and there are two in the airport - I prefer the one in the B Terminal - but my flight was in C Terminal, and I was meeting colleagues there.

They plunked me down next to a woman who moaned quietly though her entire encounter.  I mean, it was kind of inappropriate.  And by kind of, I mean entirely.

Season 3, Episode 16 - Look Before You Leap - February 1996

Massage isn't sexual, or at least - the kind I get isn't.

Now, that said, has more than one massage therapist seen more of me than they wanted?  Sure.  I know for a fact of at least two people who have seen areola. I'm not proud of it. Sheets slip, and so do nips.

And have I, in the privacy of a massage room, emitted a noise that sounded like it belonged in a bad adult film?  Yes.  Indeed I have.  Relief of lower back pain will do that. 

But unlike Tourist McGee, I leave my squeals of delight packed neatly in the overhead compartment or in the seat pocket in front of me.

I actually found a new massage place near the office.  I'm sure it's going to get shut down for cock fighting and opium sales soon - but it's cheap, reasonably clean, and they don't advertise happy endings, so... I feel like it's OK.  And for $120, two hours of massage. No half assed weird flutter touches, either - like they get in there with elbows and attack knots without mercy.

I think what I'm saying here is that my back hurts.