Look, I'm just sharing this...

I wrote an e mail to a friend of mine today, a fellow foodie who was appalled that I own/use a shaker can of Parmesan cheese.  Names are omitted to protect the innocent:

I have something to tell you that may change the way you feel about me.  I hope you'll still want to talk to me once you've read this, but if not - I understand.

The canned Parmesan cheese is just the tip of the iceberg.

Look, I've traveled, I've eaten at fine restaurants and I know which fork to use when. I can comfortably order wine for a table of 10, and I can create a cheese plate that would make mere mortals weep.  I know tartare from tatin, and I can order from a menu, pronouncing the foreign words without pointing.

But the fact of the matter is, I'm having a little fling on the side with Hector Boiardi - you know him better as Chef Boy-Ar-Dee.  

That's right, I've committed sins of the flesh with Duncan Hines, Twinkie the Kid and Dr. Pepper.

I've experimented with Sara Lee, Little Debbie and Mrs. Butterworth.

What I'm saying is that l like good food, but I also really like the stuff that I should be ashamed of admitting.

I've eaten and will continue to eat plenty of boxed mac and cheese - because I'm too lazy to make my own mornay sauce. And I'm not entirely confident that I can. I like Cool Whip better than whipped cream.   I think Velveeta makes damn good cheese dip, especially combined with Rotel.  And sausage. Not chorizo, even - just some good Tennessee Pride breakfast sausage.

I've been known to eat cookie dough for dinner.  From the tube.

I think white bread, the really soft garbagey Wonderbread stuff, makes great sandwiches (especially cold meatloaf sandwiches).   I like cherry Kool-Aid.  I've been known to enjoy canned fruit cocktail.

When I was young, and broke, and not mooching a meal off my parents, I'd eat Dinty Moore stew over biscuits that came from a can.  I'd gladly cook that for dinner once a week, if it had nutritional value.  It doesn't.

I've never made a custard, and I'm not sure I'd do it well.  My pancakes are a disaster.  I use a lot of "cream of" soups in my cooking.

I actually like movie popcorn with butter, but I haven't had it in years.  When I just out of college, I often went to the movies alone on Friday nights and had popcorn and Junior Mints and saw a crappy chick flick.  It was amazing.

I think Shake n Bake is a perfectly great way to enjoy pork chops.  And chicken. Cold Shake n Bake chops are an amazing breakfast.

I think Budweiser, really cold on tap is about as good as it gets.  I can't do IPAs, Porters or Stouts.  Red wine gives me a screaming headache, but I love a good cheap Vinho Verde.  I used to drink Zima in college.  And wine coolers, from time to time.

I enjoy fried bologna unironically.  I know that potted meat is disgusting, but I love it, with yellow mustard.

I occasionally crave Krystals, even though they are responsible for the worst food poisoning of my life.   I often tell Atlantans that I ate at the Varsity twice the week of my wedding, and they are stunned at my valor.

What I'm saying, is that I love goat cheese as much as the next girl, but sometimes, I just want some Cheez-Its.

I hope we can still be friends.