Seventeen Things I Want To Share - #11 Will Blow Your Mindhole!

1.  If I see a greeting card that's perfect, I go ahead and buy it - even if the person for whom I've picked it doesn't have a birthday for months.

2.  I keep a small stash of birthday cards in my glove box - because you never know...

3. I keep a pair of tweezers in my car for quick eyebrow touchups - the mirror and lighting are perfect!

4. If you're nice to the woman at the customer service counter at the airport, she has the power to put you in a nicer hotel.  Attitude is the difference between Hyatt and Red Roof Inn.

5. I keep stamps and blank notecards with me so that I can send out a thank you note at the drop of a hat.

6. You're one of the women wearing the wrong size bra.  Go to Dillard's, they'll hook you up (and in).

7. Always be up to do/try something different.  Demolition Derby, Pride Parades, Boy Scout Eagle Ceremonies, Rock Climbing Walls and Middle School Talent Shows are excellent for expanding horizons.

8. Have a go-to drink at bars. Something unfussy but cultured.  I like club soda with lime.

9.  Drinking club soda with lime makes you an excellent Designated Driver, which ultimately gets you invited more often.  And that one time you do want to get loaded, your pals will be glad to get you home.

10. Improv is generally more fun for the people playing than the people watching.

11.  While it's fun to know a second language, if you bust it out for the wrong people, you end up looking like a stuffed shirt.  They'll figure out you're not, eventually - but why make them work.  Henceforth, New Orleans is not the venue to trot out your snooty college minor.

12. If you aren't watching Squidbillies, Robot Chicken, and Drunk History; you should be.

13.  Avoid taking a purse whenever possible.  Not only does it get in the way, it slows you down in a security line.  Also, people will want you to hold their crap for them.

14. Life is too short to wear boring toenail polish colors.  OPI's Dating a Royal is a great rut-buster!

15. There's nothing wrong with heavy-pedaling your Southern accent if you want to lull people into the false sense that you're docile.  The element of surprise cannot be underestimated.

16.  Always have one clean joke you can lean on.  Have lots of dirty ones.  They're generally funnier.

17.  The curative properties of crappy TV and Mad Magazine when you're sick are not documented in medical journals, but cannot be denied.