Why am I up at 2:30 AM?

Stellar question.  Well, let's see.

Basically heartburn.

We had Mexican for dinner.  Why?  Because I came home early from Pittsburgh. And I didn't feel like cooking, and I chose the path of least resistance.  And queso.  Which is simultaneously always and never a great idea.

And now, I feel like I've swallowed acid and glass shards, and I'm sitting up with some Alka Seltzer trying to push through it.

Mmm, fizzy.

I have, in terms of my health and well-being, hit rock bottom.  I thought I had hit it a few months back, but as it turns out, I still had a few feet to fall.

Today, well, in about 12 hours, actually, I'm going to the doctor.  I need to get back on blood pressure meds.

Yeah, that's awesome.

I also plan to just lay it out for her and ask for help.

The worst she can say is that I'm beyond helping, but in my heart of hearts, I know that's not true.

But I'm done feeling like total garbage.  I should be sleeping at 2AM.  Not up worrying, or trying to burp out the fire in my belly, or wondering if I could manage Atkins just long enough to get down to a size where I can fit in more things in my closet.

I've been saying, "Man, I'm tired", so often, I don't know if I'd even recognize what rested, or right, or normal feels like.

I feel like if I could get my BP normal, and maybe get a bump on my dose of happy meds, I'd get the toehold I need to drag myself up from rock bottom.  I'd want to eat better, I'd feel like exercising.

I'd sleep better, and then miraculously the cycle would start to shift in a positive direction.

That's what I'm hoping for.

Even if it means I have to fall onto the floor of the doctor's office in a heap and wail loudly.

It works for kids.