If I Wrote Songs For Christmas

Years of working in retail resulted in overexposure to Christmas Music, resulting in my aversion to it.  Thankfully, Matt had the same saturation point, so we don't listen to it, except maybe on Christmas day.

I think the problem is that contemporary Christmas music doesn't really address the contemporary issues my friends and I experience.

With that, I offer you some titles that resonate with me:

O Holy Shit, I’m Broke!

Didn’t We Buy Scotch Tape Last Year?

All I Want for Christmas Is For Them To Fire That Bitchy Woman In My Department Who Likes to Push Everyone's Buttons and Tap Dance on My Last Effing Nerve

Jiggle Bellies

Oh, Come On, Ye Asshole (Move Your F***ing Car)!

I Saw Mommy Pissing on Santa Claus/Golden Christmas

Mu Shu for Two – Childfree at Christmas

O Why Didst Thou Stop Walking Directly in Front of Me?

Liberal Agnostic Guilt Song

Jesus!  It’s Cold Outside!

I’m So Fat I Look Like Mary Just Before She Got to The Manger

Silent But Deadly

It Came Upon a UPS Truck

It’s One of the Twelve Most Wonderful Times of the Year

Ugly Christmas Sweaters are Still Ugly Even If You Wear Them Ironically 

Whatever, Mary (and Joseph)

The Three Weissmanns  - A Token Tune for Jews

Yes, I'm Still Single, No I'm Not Gay

Jesus Would've Hated Fox News

The Little Hummer Boy

Pull-Out Couch Christmas
Cat Hair In the Casserole (And Other Potluck Perils)

Feel free to write any of these and get back to me.