The nice thing about rock bottom is this - once you hit it, there's nowhere to go but up.
The problem is, you may think you hit rock bottom, but realize you still have a ways to go.
I am now, no contest, the fattest I have ever been. I could blame it on travel, or Dad's illness, or Lola's demise... but what it really comes down to is that I have been trying to solve life's problems with the almighty calorie.
Every single bad feeling I have, my inner voice says things like "Kill it! Kill it with gravy!"
I am trying to bury all the crap in my life under a pile of carbs and fat.
So, I kind of had a meltdown/breakthrough about it earlier today, and I realized that hopefully *this* is, in fact, rock bottom, and I cannot go any further down the rabbit hole or up the scale than this.
Of course, I realized that on a full stomach. As one will.
The fact that I'm coming off a stressful weekend - a quick trip to Atlanta to see Dad in his new (hopefully super-temporary) rehab facility - doesn't help. Lots of driving, lots of eating for speed and comfort.
The fact that tomorrow, I head to Texas and Wisconsin for the week doesn't help. Lots of eating out in places known for their deep fried, their cheese, their beer.
But. I want to be healthy. I'm tired of feeling bad, of not liking the way I look.
I know I can do it, I know I deserve better.
I just need to start.
Now.
ae
PS - I believe that "Kill it! Kill it with gravy!" might be an excellent tattoo. With a gravy boat... if I were into that sort of thing.
PPS - I will confess to having indulged in something of a "Last Supper" tonight. But I won't confess what it was.
PPPS - A Shiny Pearl to that nice trooper from the Georgia State Patrol today - and he knows why.
The problem is, you may think you hit rock bottom, but realize you still have a ways to go.
I am now, no contest, the fattest I have ever been. I could blame it on travel, or Dad's illness, or Lola's demise... but what it really comes down to is that I have been trying to solve life's problems with the almighty calorie.
Every single bad feeling I have, my inner voice says things like "Kill it! Kill it with gravy!"
I am trying to bury all the crap in my life under a pile of carbs and fat.
So, I kind of had a meltdown/breakthrough about it earlier today, and I realized that hopefully *this* is, in fact, rock bottom, and I cannot go any further down the rabbit hole or up the scale than this.
Of course, I realized that on a full stomach. As one will.
The fact that I'm coming off a stressful weekend - a quick trip to Atlanta to see Dad in his new (hopefully super-temporary) rehab facility - doesn't help. Lots of driving, lots of eating for speed and comfort.
The fact that tomorrow, I head to Texas and Wisconsin for the week doesn't help. Lots of eating out in places known for their deep fried, their cheese, their beer.
But. I want to be healthy. I'm tired of feeling bad, of not liking the way I look.
I know I can do it, I know I deserve better.
I just need to start.
Now.
ae
PS - I believe that "Kill it! Kill it with gravy!" might be an excellent tattoo. With a gravy boat... if I were into that sort of thing.
PPS - I will confess to having indulged in something of a "Last Supper" tonight. But I won't confess what it was.
PPPS - A Shiny Pearl to that nice trooper from the Georgia State Patrol today - and he knows why.
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