Now, WHY are there...

I have kind of a hodgepodge of thoughts/rhetorical questions to throw out there - plus, I'm feeling a low-grade free-floating guilt/anxiety combo, so I'll get it out there and maybe get a little sleep.

1.  Although rental car companies like to think they're doing you a favor by renting you that red Ford Mustang, they're not gas efficient - they're speeding ticket magnets, and let's face it - they aren't all that comfortable.  Still - MUSTANG!!!

2.  Why is it that flight attendants wear heavy perfumes?  Is it that they feel the recycled air needs competition, or is it a passive-aggressive "fuck you" to passengers?

3.  If you don't serve peanuts on a flight due to allergies, what's to keep me from bringing on my own jar of Jif and eating it by the spoonful while the guy next to me breaks out in hives?  I'm not knocking a peanut-free flight, but your little tiny packets are the least of anyone's concern.

4.  I wish I could buy willpower.  I'd be so perfectly mannered and thin.

5.  I hate doing my expense reports, but I sure as hell don't want them turning off my credit card while I'm in Alaska.

6. Who's making love to your old lady, while you're out making love?   That's not an actual question, but a song lyric that I like, and fits the theme. 

7.  The customers site at which I trained today was giving out turkeys to each of their employees, and I think that's really sweet.

8.  I missed my company's potluck today.  Given that they're my second family, it actually pained me that I missed it.

9.  I ordered long underwear today for my trip to Alaska.  Because I have concerns that I'm not quite fat enough to stay warm in 12 degree weather.  And snow. 

10. Can we agree that the "yellow cheese" that the menu said was in my dish tonight was probably Velveeta?  I'm not complaining, I'm just saying.

11.  Last night, I got to the hotel and they had me in the shittiest room in the place.  First floor, one door down from the front desk and across from the breakfast area.  I toughed it out last night, but asked them to move me this morning.  I feel that this is one of the most selfish things I've done in forever, and I need to do many, many more things just like it.

12.  I ordered  a cajun fried turkey for our Thanksgiving.  I'm pretty stoked about it.

13.  I'm less stoked about the gravy, which will be Trader Joe's.  It's fine, but let's face it - Dad makes the best gravy on the planet, so...

14.  I will admit that Noshville makes better Matzoh Ball soup, though.

15.  And now I'm hungry. 

16.  But I only have six hours til my alarm goes off - I won't starve.

Good night, y'all.



I'm going to start carrying a jar of peanut butter and a spoon everywhere I go, just to see if I can make people break out in hives. You're a genius.