Twenty is Plenty

So, I'm going to my reunion this weekend.  I'm a little anxious.

Ok, I'm a lot anxious.  I was channeling my energy into a spot on my car, roughly a half inch in size.

I was furiously scrubbing the spot tonight and I realized that nobody is going to see my car, let alone this spot that's smaller than a dime.

What they will see is something else...

Me.  All of me.

Me, circa 1992.  This was the thinnest I ever was as an "adult", but there was lots of Dexitrim onboard. I'm on the left.

At 3:24 last night, or rather, this morning, I woke up - Matt was having a vivid dream and was making some noise - I woke him, and he turned back over and fell asleep.  I laid there thinking bad things, as will happen when you're lying there in the dark, and I had this very clear thought that I'm about ninety pounds heavier than I was when I graduated high school twenty years ago.

I was going to type eighty because it sounds better, but I'll be honest with you, it's ninety.

And that's... not great.

So rather than focus on the fact that I'm going to this reunion fatter than they've ever seen me, I focused on this spot on my car - which is annoying, but it's my fault for letting the car stay unwashed for so long.  It's sap or bird poop or something... I don't know.

The spot is not the point, though it's less painful to think about.

What I thought about though, is that the last twenty years have been eventful.

Since graduation I have:

Started dating Todd
Started school at UGA
Joined Sigma Kappa
Joined Glee Club
Dumped by Todd
Minored in French
Went to Montreal for a week
Performed standup
Held a major office in my sorority
Joined a French Honor Society
Joined a Journalism Society
Sang Beethoven's Ninth under the direction of Yoel Levi
Got accepted to J School
Held a major office in the Journalism Society
Had my wisdom teeth removed
Interned at WAGA
Received the Esther Award from the Georgia Association of Broadcasters
Went to Disneyworld
Met Julius Epstein (and Robin Roberts, Bud Greenspan, Jack Brickhouse, Harry Shearer and Guy Sharp)
Got accepted into Order of the Omega
Started dating Rusty
Moved back to Atlanta
Started job at IMNET
Laura got married, I was her Maid of Honor
Got promoted
Got acquired
Got downsized
Grandmother died
Rusty dumped me
Went to Paris
Got a job at Nexchange
Moved into my first apartment
Dated Wesley
Got stock options
Got promoted
Dumped Wesley
Put up a Christmas tree
Took Improv Classes
Took a year off from dating
Performed with Dad's Garage
Started dating Matt
Nexchange folded
Bought the ECHO
ECHO broadsided by Buick LeSabre (but not totalled)
Joined Weight Watchers, lost 50 pounds, eventually gained it all back
Performed with Gorgeous Ladies of Comedy
Did some freelancing
Performed with Laughing Matters
Acted in a play
Got a job at Iron Mountain
Hated it
Ran the Peachtree
Worked at Macy's
Met Lane at Weight Watchers
Got a root canal
Interviewed at InView
Left Iron Mountain
Worked at InView
Ran the Peachtree
Bridesmaid in Connie's wedding
Moved into my second apartment
Went to Paris
Got engaged
Got laid off from InView
Started at Best Access
Kept secret that I was moving
Fell in love with Arrested Development
Gave notice
Got married
Moved to Nashville
Barfed on Matt at carnival
Fell in love with How I Met Your Mother
Got a job at Imagination Branding
Bought house
Cried constantly
Got into the Soque Club on my second try
Hosted Thanksgiving
Hated job at Imagination Branding
Left Imagination Branding (under duress)
Went to Munich and Florence
Started at PureSafety
Head of the Social Committee for Soque Club
Made friends
Won a ribbon for my pepper jelly
Fell in love with hockey
Dad had a quadruple bypass
Laura had Henry
Flourished at PureSafety
Lost the ECHO to a tornado
Bought the Corolla
Refinanced the house
Had my tonsils removed
Connie's Baby Shower
Made more friends
Elected to the Board of the Soque Club
Joined Weight Watchers - lost 45 pounds, gained it all back (well, all but 2 pounds)
Got to wear a bee suit to an all-hands meeting
Got diagnosed with cancer of the hair follicle.  Had large chunk of scalp removed
Won Allison-FM for a day
Made more friends
Won another ribbon for my pepper jelly
Tried Marijuana for the first time
Got acquired by UL
Got a new title
Got a raise
Matt sick for a while
Matt got better
Went to NOLA for CAT Conference.
Went to UL headquarters and became a superstar
Went to NOLA for Jim's birthday
Changed bosses again
Started learning IMS
Went to Maine and made lots of friends
Got my nose pierced
Traveled a ton for work
Corolla totalled
Had Lola put down
Cried constantly
Speeding ticket
Saw Niagara Falls
Dad sick
Went to NYC for CAT Conference
Spent time with Henry
Las Vegas
Dad better
Connie's second baby shower
Fell in love with Breaking Bad
Las Vegas
Learning New Product, SYSTOC
Las Vegas

I'd say it's been a full 20 years.

So, if anyone asks what happened - I think I'll just direct them here.


Fatter but Wiser


That is one adorable damn picture. I guarantee you, everyone you graduated with has aged the same 20 years. Some of them will carry their age on the inside, and you'll be crazy-envious of how good they look, and then you'll start talking to them and all they can do is talk about tax-free annuities or the goddamn liberals/gun nuts/Muslims/Christian Right, and you'll take a little fat on your hips over how much they're dragging around in their head. Damn straight.