*Highwoods is the name of the management company that runs my office building. If I didn't have to explain that, it might be an actual joke.
Head of the mentor program – You may not want to use the word “whimsical” in a business conversation. Whimsy is not a great reason to pair two people together in a mentorship.
Lady at the Clinique counter - You looked like you’d slammed your face in a vat of tinted Crisco, but I appreciate your willingness to help me. That said, beige isn’t gray. Charcoal is gray, but I was hoping for... you know, what, never mind - I'll take the Coal Enchilada, or whatever it's called. Hand over the bonus and I'll see you next summer.
The 4th Grader next door – I will buy you a locking pencil box with pleasure. Use it gently – the reviews on it are crap, but I get it – all the other kids have them. To be honest, I kind of want one, now.
I had these amazing meatballs at Taste of India – Curry Kofta – to which I say, where have you been all my life you little gingery mounds of joy? I now need to learn how to make them. WOW. I mean, wow.
I had a Zzzzapalooza the other night – the spouse was in Alabama, so I went home, laid down around 7PM, and woke up at 4AM. At which point I cooked a late supper, had a bite and went back to bed. I needed it. I’d do it again in a hot minute, but it’s easier if I have the place to myself. In theory, I could do this on a trip sometime.
I’m getting ready, sort of, to do my High School reunion. Twenty years. Which hardly seems possible, but in doing the math, even given my poor math skills is not only possible, but actual. Good times. I need shoes.
Guy who announced he’s homeschooling his kid: I met your kid, and I know you and your wife – I truly think some book-learnin’ courtesy of the local Board of Education would do that kid some good – you might learn something from her, too. Just thought I’d put that out there for you.
Kroger Cashiers: I don’t know if you could be any worse at bagging groceries. Here’s a hint – I put them on the counter in order. Don’t put my soap in with the meat and we’ll call it a day.