Advice to Brides

So, I know a lot of brides out there  - girls I know who are recently engaged... don't drink the water, apparently.

They haven't asked for my wise counsel, but let me offer it anyway, just in case:

1. Your first order of business:  Buy a tiara.  It doesn't have to be nice, or expensive, but big and blingy is critical.  Wear it everywhere you do wedding business.  It lets them know you have a sense of humor and are a force to be reckoned with.

Hard to see, but hidden in all that hair is my tiara.  Why I have a fake Lola is another story.

2.  Bridesmaid dresses: If you have bridesmaids, and they don't pick their own dresses, at least one of them won't like what you picked.  They will be too nice (hopefully) to say anything.  But go easy on them.  Did I want hot pink dresses?  Yes.  Would my soon to be sister-in-law, a natural redhead have looked good in that color?   No.  I got aqua dresses instead.  I thought they were pretty.  I think all three of my maids hated them for different reasons, but they did look good on all three.

Take note of the flowers - they're important.

3. Don't make any promises.  Everyone you know thinks they'll be invited to your wedding - they may not be.  Practice being vague about it.  It's fine.  You don't owe anyone anything.

4. After you get your tiara, stock up on thank you notes.  You cannot have enough of them.  Buy some pretty stamps, too.

5.  That cake stand you want to register for?  You'll never use it.   Register for it anyway, but just be warned, you'll never use it.  A nice colander won't ever get put away.  Unless you're one of those PITA gluten free couples.  In which case - the colander may be a waste.

6.  You will be surprised at the generosity of...everyone.  Enjoy it.  But write thank you notes.

7. Comfortable shoes the day of the wedding.  And frankly, always.  They can still be pretty. 

8. Register for more spoons than you think you'll need.  Those fuckers go missing.  I don't know how, they just do.  Trust me on this.

9. Go ahead and register for the Kitchen Aid stand mixer.  It's the Holy Grail of wedding gifts, and you'll be stunned to find that someone will get it for you.

10. But also register for some small items.  As much as I made fun of the "Citrus Trumpet" from Williams-Sonoma, I use that damn thing a lot.

11.  Pick your battles.  The one thing I was completely balls to the wall about was my flowers.   I love flowers, I know a fair amount about them, and I knew what I wanted.  So I was insistent on it. But my mother's dress?  Well, I trusted her - and good thing - she bought it without me.  Was it what I'd have picked?  No, but she looked amazing.  End of story.  Matt's Aunt asked what I wanted her to wear, and I said, "Something you love that makes you feel terrific." Maybe I should have done that for my bridesmaids... naaaaah!

I was so young, and thin.  Damn, I'd like to be that thin again.

12. Spend less on cake, more on alcohol.  Cake's great - but do you really need a quintuple-decker fondant nightmare?  For one, buttercream tastes better.  For two, with the exception of the under 21 and 12 step crowd, people like to drink more than they like cake.  Although, full disclosure, I managed to get a piece of cake, but not a drink at my wedding.  Even fuller disclosure, I won my cake in a silent auction for $50.  They charged $25 to deliver it, so... score! 

13. There's nothing wrong with:  having a big wedding, having a small wedding, having a wedding in your hometown, having a wedding in an exotic location, eloping, getting married at the courthouse, getting married underwater...basically, the right wedding for you is the perfect wedding- and I've been to tons of them - I've never been to one that wasn't super fun.

14. I really can't stress enough the need for extra spoons.

15. Nesting bowls.  If you don't register for them, I will get them for you: