Open Angry Letter

Dear Women's Clothing Retailers,

Look, I know like many women out there, I'm in a double digit size.  Not such a high number that I have to shop out of tent and awning catalogs, but definitely have to venture into a "specialty" department from time to time.

I need to ask you to take my advice.

1.  The vast majority of women, and in particular, larger women, do not need to be going sleeveless - and cap sleeves aren't any better.

2. Pockets over each breast are ridiculous.  Especially when they have flaps and buttons.  I don't need any more attention to my ample features.  Don't get me started on fake pockets over each breast.

3. You seem to think that my life has three or four clothing needs;

  •  Being very overdressed for a Joan Baez concert.  Sequin/chiffon peasant tops, glittery broom stick skirts, gauzy blouses embellished with beads.
  •  Lounging with the intent to exercise Overworked lounge pants, velour tracksuits, brightly colored polos and knit pants. 
  • Resort wear.  White capris, 3/4 sleeve blouses in hot pink, lime green or nautical/equestrian themes.
  • Club attire.  One shoulder tops in spandex meshy hoochy mama prints and cuts.

I appreciate that you think my life is more interesting than it is, but really I need about three things:

  • Work clothes.  Pants and skirts in normal cuts in brown, gray, black and navy.  Blouses to go with them.
  • Play clothes.  Fun, casual tops and jeans.
  • Special event clothes - club attire, but not too hooch.  Something that says, "I'm fun, but not a whore."

I have money.  I'd be happy to spend it.  But help me help you!



May I add...shorts that are long enough to keep my upper thighs from rubbing together, but shorter than, say, an NBA uniform?