This is an actual Google Chat that transpired between me and one of my colleagues at work today. He's one of those 'good kids' that is going to be just fine in the long term.
I've changed names to protect the innocent and the guilty. I'm Allison, of course - my colleague is Wendell - everyone else are people we work with:
I've changed names to protect the innocent and the guilty. I'm Allison, of course - my colleague is Wendell - everyone else are people we work with:
Allison: Any thoughts on how I can tune out my new guy like you've
learned to tune out Earl?
Wendell: I've noticed he's quite the chatter
does he follow the Earl model of telling a lot of stories?
Allison: Oh yes. And I can only Pandora so much.
He apparently lives alone and just needs someone to talk to.
I may need to buy him a parrot.
Wendell: that'd be perfect
Allison: Or, what were those things... a Furby.
Wendell: one that just says "what?! no way!" to
everything he says
Allison: Perfect.
You may be too young to remember Furbys.
Wendell: that, or invest in a bottle of chloroform
oh, I remember Furbys
Allison: OK, I like where you're going,
and I approve.
I am getting on craigslist tonight.
And after meeting up with a casual encounter, I'll make a missed
connection with a chloroform dealer.
Wendell: sounds like an air tight plan
Allison: Thanks, I'm excited.
Wendell: you can just douse some paper work with it and be like
"here you go, work on this"
shoving it particularly close to his face
Allison: I like it.
I like it a lot.
Wendell: then when everyone asks why he fainted, you can say
"he must just be intimidated by the workload."
Allison: Ok, why haven't we promoted you yet?
Seriously.
Wendell: right?
Allison: I'm getting you a meeting with Crusher,
and we're going to work through this.
Wendell: I'd be the perfect office prankster/security for annoying
team members
Allison: I'm thinking more of a think tank guy, but yeah - that
also works.
I'll get right on that.
Wendell: perfect. just draw up the contract and I'll sign on the
dotted line
just use a non-chloroformed contract, if you will
Allison: Ok - I'll get sales to work that - they write perfect
contracts every day.
No chemicals...
Wendell: sounds like a deal. all I ask for is a cool million
dollar raise and a lamborgihini (sp)
Allison: It's going to be $0, but that's a small detail.
We can work through that.
Wendell: 0 sounds like a good middle man
Allison: I can give you an extra course or two.
You need hand wrist and finger safety, right? You're a young man -
you guys need that training...
save 'em when you're young -they don't grow back.
Wendell: haha. touche
I'm going to depart for the day
Allison: Have fun.
Wendell: you do the same. hope your "casual" rendezvous
goes as planned
Allison: Well, I always wear evening gowns -throws 'em off.
The element of surprise is key.
Wendell: of course
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