A true daily double

I had to buy some acne cream today, and the guy at the register was eyeballing me to see where the zits were – apparently, he didn’t know that women of a certain age still get acne.  Right here on the chin, kid – the Mount St. Helen sized bump… makes me wonder though – where would his eyes have wandered if I’d come up there with a box of Monistat.  Eyes up, Junior!  Also, if you’re ever in Germany and find yourself in need – their version of Monistat is called Kadefungin.  Ask for it by name – or, do like I did – scour your husband’s German dictionary and memorize a short monologue that either explains what you need or outlines the steps needed to brew beer – they’re remarkably similar.

Bitten Sie um es Namentlich (ask for it by name)

I had yesterday off, thanks to Dr. King, and in true spirit of the day, I went shopping.  At one store, I’m browsing the sale rack, and out of nowhere, this kid, who I’m guessing to be 4 or 5, who is running around the store comes flying around the corner and smacks right into my leg.  HARD.  And he falls flat on his ass.  In my surprise, I let out a sharp, “Excuse me!”  I look over and the kid is just laying there.  Not moving.  After a few seconds he gets up and kind of eyeballs me like I should be concerned that I got in his way and made him fall or something.  Let me be clear, I didn’t trip the kid – I didn’t even see him coming.   He banged into me – I was stationary.  And so, I wasn’t going to fawn over him for being an idiot.   I never did see his mother, but he kept running around the store.  So the next time a kid runs into me at full-force, I’m going to cry out in pain and make a complete jackass of myself.  Scream and moan until the mother comes over and makes her precious angel behave.   Look, I don’t hate kids.  No, really.  I swear.  I do hate shopping, and I hate being plowed into by people who have spatial awareness issues.  I’m sure Dr. King would have been proud of my non-violent reaction.

We went to my dermatologist yesterday – not for my aforementioned uber-pimple, but to check on Matt’s hives.  Long story.  Anyway, the dermato, Dr. P only met me three times:  once to look at the bump on my head, once to remove it, and once to tell me it was cancer – and yet –she totally remembered me.   And she and Dr. S want to write a paper about my case.  I always knew I’d be famous.

I head to Columbia, SC for a training class tomorrow, so I’m going to weigh in a little early – as in, today.  I think it will be good.  I’ve been compliant this week, except for an incident involving an Angel Food Cake. Which, if you’re going to deviate, that’s a pretty safe binge. 

I had to kind of throw a hissy on a process today at work.  Now, I don’t usually get beat up over details, but this one matters to me, and I’m not going to yield on it.  I also sent in a summary of some information I received for a focus group and I’m pretty sure that’s going to raise some eyebrows too.  I don’t care.

I did two classes at the Y yesterday, also in honor of Dr. King.  Because I have a dream… of eventually wearing a size 12.  Point being, I am so sore from Dance Blast in the morning and Zumba in the evening.  I can move, but it isn’t pretty.

This guy on Jeopardy last night answered a question (incorrectly).  Turns out Alex Trebek is  a huge perv, because you can hear him chuckle…

A donkey punch is when you’re having sex, and at the moment of climax, you punch the person in the back of the head so s/he clenches and make things tighter,  which increases your pleasure.   Ah, Trebek, you’re a bad boy!
And, that’s all.


The Ridger, FCD said…
Is that why he laughed? I thought it was just a goofy answer, but I should have realized there was more to it than that. Did you see the daily double, Category: Starts with a body part, where the clue was a picture of a mouse-like critter with big ears and words "the fur of this is said to be 100 times softer than human hair." The leader had no idea... he just stood there until Alex prompted him for an answer. And then he said:

"What is a titmouse?.. I'm sorry."

(It was a chinchilla, actually.)