Everyone deserves a chance to fly...

It’s hard to say just when my self-esteem crashed and burned – but I’d say around 4th grade.

The thing is, I’ve never had that feeling of “I’m not smart enough”.  Well, I mean – from time to time, but intellectually, I’ve never felt vastly inferior. 

Now, I’ve felt "not pretty enough" a million times in my life.

It’s kind of sick, actually.

I catch myself daily looking around to make sure I 'm not the fattest/ugliest/plainest looking person in the room.  Even when it doesn't matter.  Especially when it doesn't matter.

And I tell you this all because of the photo I’m about to post:

There are so many inappropriate caption options.

Here is a picture of me and two people I’m crazy about.  On my left, James.  On my right, Jim.  This is us after seeing Wicked at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center.

And I dumped it onto the computer last night and was getting ready to throw it on Facebook when a thought popped clearly into my head:

“I think I’m attractive enough to be seen with these two.”

No thoughts about how lucky I am to have nice friends, or what a nice evening we had, or that I like James’ pocket square, or that Jim was thoughtful to organize this outing, or any of that.

Just that I was worthy of spending time with them because of my physical appearance.

Now, to be honest, these guys probably wouldn’t give a damn if I showed up in a flower sack with coffee cans for shoes.  They apparently spend time with me because… I don’t know – I’m funny, or kind, or generous or maybe I amuse them?  I don’t know.

But it’s not about my makeup or hair.

That said, it was a great evening.  We had dinner, we saw a show.  We laughed, we got a stranger to take a picture and then we came home.

I’ve got to get over whatever it is that makes me feel unworthy. 

Also, I’ve been having this really strange urge to get a tattoo.

Which… that’s a bad idea, right? 

Something small – no bigger than a nickel.

Still.  Bad idea, I know, right?