So, I’ve avoided saying anything, because I don’t want pity or sympathy, but I think it might explain my absence and silence as of late.
Remember that bump on my scalp that I’ve been dealing with since… well, forever – or February – one of those? So, when I had my stitches out right after the 4th of July weekend, I learned that it was neither cyst nor lipoma. It’s carcinoma. As in malignant. As in skin cancer. Its full name is Pilomatrical Carcinoma. Nice to meet you.
So long story short, I got referred to a surgeon, and on Wednesday, the scalp cancer goes away. Mohs Surgery. Look it up and prepare to be grossed out.
It’s not especially scary – at least – not from the cancer standpoint. It’s scary that I’m going to lose some serious hair. That’s terrifying. And the pain factor. Oh, fuck, the pain.
Also, I’ve decided to take 2 days PTO – one for surgery, one for recovery.
The great news is that…wait, what was the great news? I don’t know. I mean, it’s not a high risk tumor, they don’t have to put me under to get rid of it. But it’s a microsurgery, and could take the whole day.
And because it’s had me kind of worried and unsettled, I’ve been turning to food. I’ve also been a little stressed about work. Work is good, but my team has been restructured, and I don’t feel a lot of love.
There’s a real sense of disconnection – I don’t like it. So, food. Food, food, food.
And of course, I gained last night, up 0.8 – all things considered, not bad.
But I’ve struggled today. Peanuts in a bucket at Logan’s at lunch.
And I’d sell my soul for a fat fudgy piece of cake from Publix.
So, maybe I am a little more upset and scared than I’m letting on.
But it’s just a little skin cancer, and I’ll be fine.
I’ll keep you posted.