What I have to re-learn every so often is while the mirror can, from time to time, lie; the camera simply does not.
Case in point. I’ve been eyeballing myself at Zumba, in the ladies room, and in every reflective surface I can find, and I think, “Looking, GOOOOOOD, old girl!”
And then, several days ago, we got photos from our company’s anniversary party.
I wore a dress that I bought two years ago, and finally have the ability to wear now without looking like a golf ball in a garden hose.
Or so I thought.
Here’s the backstory. It was a Casablanca themed party, and Matt had to work late, so I went home and started to get my frock ready. My hair was kind of oily, but I didn’t feel like washing it so instead, I threw on a headband. And I went to find my cute little red slides, but my feet were swollen like fat, fat snausages. So instead of the red slides, I wedged my fat feet into these strappy nightmare sandals that I always regret wearing.
And I put on some makeup and left.
And after finding a $15 parking space, and clomping three blocks to the party, I found a photographer taking shots on the red carpet of arriving guests. Note the Rick's American Cafe sign. Not to be confused with Rick's Cafe Americain. Details...
So I struck a wicked pose, since I didn’t have a date to the dance, and I felt awkward.
Here’s what I learned:
1. 1. I should have worn my ballet flats. Yes, they’re on their last legs, but I would have been more comfortable. Plus, those tiny heels look like they’re about to buckle under my weight.
2. 2. If my hair feels greasy, it probably is. Shampoo often. Bigger is better! Dare to Hair!
3..3. Red lipstick is awesome, but it gives me clown mouth. Joan Crawford called – she wants her wire hangers back.
4. 4. Loud prints aren’t inherently my best friend. This one in particular looks a little too zebraesque.
5. 5. The placement of the red band is unfortunate. No, trust me.
6. 6. When you’re a heavier woman with an hourglass shape, side profile is not your friend.
7. 7. When you don’t have much chin or nose to speak of, side profile is not your friend.
8. 8. Being married is no guarantee that you won’t show up at a party dateless. It’s really OK. Embrace your inner awkward.
Other than that though, looking, GOOOOOOD, old girl!