So, that’s weird…

I was on Facebook this morning when an old sorority sister of mine mentioned the birthday of another sister, who had died. I didn’t know that she had died, which, given my activity level on sorority things since 1997, is not especially surprising. Making things even more awkward, my last interactions with and impressions of said sister were less than favorable. Basically, she was kind of a bitch to me on several occasions, and I am sure that more than once I wished she would drop dead. Not very sisterly, I know. But I think we can safely say I was not the cause of her untimely death. Otherwise, the police would have come to see me. Right? What’s the statute of limitations on the evil eye? Let’s be clear, I am sorry that she died. Nobody deserves that. But I’m also sad that I don’t have a better memory of her to carry with me.

The fact is, in any sorority, there are bound to be bitchy, catty, mean women – and it’s in the eye of the beholder. I know some people hated me – they were fairly upfront about it. But I don’t think I was horrible. Maybe I was. Maybe the women who were mean to me weren’t as evil as I remember them. I sometimes wish my memories of sisterhood were all beer and roses. But to be fair, some of it was fun, and I should probably focus on that. I mean, I do have a handful of sisters online who have friended me, so I can't have been all bad.

In other Facebook news, I got friended today by a former colleague. I was her manager, and she was a thorn in my side (that’s the polite version). She was fairly insubordinate and refused to do what I asked of her – we went to HR over it several times. She eventually quit, and I was surprised to see that she requested to friend me. I figured why not, let it ride, and now, we’re “friends”. This I suppose is in an attempt to absolve my guilt over not accepting a friend request from a girl I knew from Middle School through part of college, but who was so toxic then, I didn’t want to go there now.

I feel bad, but protect your heart as you would any organ, n’est-ce-pas?

Speaking of organs and guts and whatnot, I had another frustrating trip to the Red Cross over the weekend – I came thisclose to having the correct iron level – 12.4 and I needed 12.5. Better than my last two attempts, and of course, close still gets you a T Shirt and a sympathetic look, but neither of these things get you onto the table with a needle in the arm.

You may wonder why I care so much. Well, here it is. I think that giving blood makes me special. It’s something I like about myself on days when I can’t think of anything nice about a deceased sorority sister. Whenever I realize I’m not as generous or as helpful or as philanthropic or as nice as I want to be, I can fall back on, “Well, at least I’m a blood donor”.

And then there’s the Dad factor. When Dad got sick, he used a lot of blood. A LOT. And given that he’s O Positive, and that I’m O Positive and that Matt’s O Positive, I felt like we were given a chance to pay down our Karmic debt. I’ve given I think three or four times since he got sick, and I’ve been deferred just as many. Matt never fails to have enough iron, and he just breezes in, rolls up his sleeve and it’s all good.

So, it’s one of those things that’s intensely personal, inexplicably frustrating and totally irrational, but I find it physically upsetting when I cannot donate. Rather than just burrow into a funk, though, I’ve done a little research, and I find that there may be one or two more things I can do. One, I’m going to have to give up tea. Really? Really. Apparently it leaches the iron, or makes it not absorb or something. So now, I can’t drink diet soft drinks because they taste bad. I can’t drink regular soft drinks because they’re full of sugar and taste bad. Lemonade – diet or otherwise – tastes bad. That leaves milk (tasty, but no caffeine and far from quenching) and water. That’s great, except I freaking miss having variety. Oh well – no more tea.

The other thing I can do is make sure that if I’m eating iron rich foods, I’m pairing them with foods high in vitamin C. And avoiding pairing them with foods high in calcium. So no cheesy turnip greens or hamburger milkshakes. Hmm.

I’ll be honest folks, this is not my finest hour. Not my finest post. And you deserve better – and for that matter, so do I.

OK – we’ll try again soon.