South of Town

So, our company was outgrowing our space near the airport, and after careful study, opted to relocate South of town – which, as luck would have it, happens to be the very same geographic area where most of our senior management team live. Wild, isn’t it?

I can’t complain, really. All I have to do is pop on the interstate a quarter mile from the house and 15 minutes later, pop off the interstate. Voila. No more bitchy crossing guard at St. Edwards, and a quick stop at Sonic or even Walgreens requires more calculation. Which sounds like a minus, but should curb any desires to drown my sorrows in Strawberry Lemonade, and for the wallet, that’s a plus.

The real pluses start once you get to the new location. Parking is kind of a minus – there’s a mail drop at the office - a plus! No cafeteria on the first floor (minus), but there’s a coffee cart –I haven’t tried it yet. And then, there’s the fact that we’re awash in lunch options just outside our front door. Noshville beckons. As does any fast food I could think of, a few I hadn’t. And all of my favorite ethnicities – Indian, Italian, Mexican and Thai.

Can you tell I’m hungry? I managed a grilled cheese from Sonic this morning. Lunch was a cup of Chicken and Stars soup, which was 70 calories of astrological excellence. For dinner, I’m planning to take a swig from a bottle of hydrocodone and then force-feed myself anything I can shove in my gaping maw. Classy. I tried “Uncrustables” today – they’re from Smuckers – frozen PB&J sandwiches with no crusts. Epic fail. Which I guess is fine – they have no real nutritive value. But really, wouldn’t you think that they would be completely benign? Yeah, me too. Sigh... I tried twice. No luck.

Thursday I pay a visit to the man who did this to me and let him know what I think of his "modern medicine". Because he so clearly cares.

That’s pretty much the deal from here. Reporting live from Franklin, Tennessee; Allison Everett – Tonsil 34 News.