Monday Mixed Medley

So, occasionally, even with my overwhelming good cheer and optimism, I get cranky. Here are a few of the things bothering me today and in general:

The weather. Ok, we get it. It’s cold. And the snow this morning was lovely (if fleeting), but my skin and hair are both taking a beating from the cold, wind, and lack of essential humidity. Plus, I really hate wearing my big fuzzy sweaters, which do keep me warm, but also make me look bigger and fuzzier than I am.

Meetings. If you already know what the outcome of our meeting is going to be before you schedule it, count me out. I’m not a member of the Boys’ Supersecret AV Club, and never will be. I don’t care what decision you make, but if you’ve already made it, don’t waste my time pretending to consider other options. I’m not that stupid, and I thought you were smart enough to realize that. If you do decide to waste my time, be ready for me to be as contrary as they come.

The older I get, the more of a lunatic having a uterus makes me. I haven’t felt a biological imperative and doubt I ever will, so it seems kind of cruel that I feel like I’m about to grow fangs and go on a rampage, ending with cake. And thankfully, it’s not every month, and it’s only for a few days - but when I have PMS, I swing between rage and melancholy for what feels like a lifetime.

Loud talkers. Dude, I get that you really like the sound of your own voice, but I’m busy wondering if you have a mute button. Maybe you should get a job as an announcer for a high school football team, but your talents are wasted on me and everyone else within a 40 foot radius.

Having to be polite. Sometimes, opening a letter with the greeting “Dear Douchebag,” really would be the best way to get your point across. It’s kind of a shame that I have to stifle my self-expression.

Itchy tags.
People, silkscreening technology is amazing – I think the guy who first started screening tags into the backs of shirts and underwear deserves a Nobel Prize, and the people who are using the extra itchy tags in clothes should be punished by having to wear their own clothes. Maybe I’ve grown soft over the years, but seriously…I have nearly impaled myself while trying to remove a tag while still wearing the garment.

Old classmates on Facebook. We used to be friends, but now that I see you’ve joined the Sean Hannity Fan Club, I really don’t want to have anything to do with you. Nor do I care how ridiculous you think PETA is, or what crap you’re watching on TV, or what you ate for lunch. Also, it’s incredibly freaky to see the girl who used to give out hand jobs like they were Halloween Candy with babies. Especially since the father of those babies once stole my mailbox. Actually, it’s freaky to see any of them with babies: klepto, ho or average Joe. Fair enough, I graduated in 1993 – so, clearly, we’re old enough to have families, but the whole playdates play-by-play is creeping me out.

Having to come up with dinner. If tonight’s Crockpot Chicken Florentine works out, it’ll be a miracle. But I’m starting to realize that no matter what combination of ingredients you throw together, the Italian Chicken and the Southwest Chicken taste remarkably similar.

Exercise. I want to feel better, and I’d like to find a fun way to get my calories burned, but when the YMCA limits their classes to after 9AM and before 5PM, then I’ll be spending my time there on the same fucking elliptical I’ve been on for years. Moving in circles and going nowhere. Has it occurred to them that working people might also enjoy Zumba? We would. I’m not saying it would be pretty, but I’d like to give it a shot.

That should do it for now.

Now get out there and make it a great day!


Alex said…
And yet we still love you.

As to working out, I'd humbly suggest working out in the mornings and simply doing multiple cardio machines. 10 mins on treadmill, 10 on elliptical, and 10 on stepper are way better than 30 in a row on any one of them. Also, consistency is 10x more important than intensity. You'll feel a lot more energy in no time. And diet is twice as important. I'd suggest 3 simple changes: add natural juices (Balthouse Farms or similar), drink tons more water than normal, and eat at Panera Bread - their portions are perfect and hot paninis are tasty.
Alex said…
Oh and any soda (even diets) HAS to go. That change alone will add like 1,000 megawatts of energy each day.