Wednesday One-Offs

Memo to Lola – seriously, girlfriend – you barf once, you get mentioned in my blog – anything thereafter is just going to piss me off.

Why is it that the Salvation Army Bell Ringer on the TV ads is an attractive middle-aged woman in a uniform, but the one at my Kroger looks like a homeless dude in a trucker’s hat? I’m still going to give him spare change, but…

I suggested that Mom and Dad name their new pug “Trig”. They haven’t gotten back to me on that yet. Hmm.

People at the Post Office – we can see you skulking around the counters trying to look busy – we know you’re not actually working – so go ahead and open up another register so that I can get my Nutcracker Christmas stamps and get going.

Crossing Guard on Thompson – I don’t know how you do it! You weren’t even out there this morning and the traffic was still FUBAR! Nice work, mammajam.

Dudes everywhere – when your significant other asks what you want for Christmas, that’s a cue for you to ask her what she wants for Christmas.

I bought a new shirt to wear to the company Christmas party last night.

I’d love some cute, strappy sandals to seal the deal, but I’m not that into getting a pedicure before then, and let’s face it, my feet are scaly. Plus, I’d only get to enjoy the results for a night, then I’d shove my hooves back into sensible shoes again til March.

I’m getting a haircut on Saturday. The receptionist apologized that only appointment available was at 8AM –hell - for me, that’s ideal. She’s not going to be running behind, and I don’t have to watch her chat up some skinny young client as she dries and styles the chica’s perfect flaxen hair while I contemplate how much we’re going to hack out of my graying bird’s nest. I’m not jealous. Really.

They need to invent a lotion gun. Something like a paint gun, only it heats the lotion before spraying it out onto a person’s desiccated carcass. I also wouldn’t mind a paint roller covered in heated lotion. Basically, I have dry skin, OK? And yes, I do drink lots of water.

The only baby I want daily updates on is my nephew. I don’t know your kid – I think you’re at best only mildly interesting, and your kid is a byproduct of you, so…it’s not that I don’t care, it’s…well, actually – it is that I don’t care. If I’m not asking, I’m not interested. And maybe I’m only asking to be polite, so keep it short.

Panera - can you please open a location near my office? You too, Chick-Fil-A. I’ve eaten more McDonalds, Popeye’s and Krystal than one person should. I need options. Well, really, I need to bring Lean Cuisines, but a girl has to leave the office every now and then to preserve her sanity.

And wouldn’t you know – I was scanning my stations last night on the way home to work – the radio landed on “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”.

Friggin’ scary ghost stories.



Unknown said…
Love the top too btw!
Alex said…
Just 2 days to go... well 1.8 now. Woot! <3

I laughed hard at the crossing guard piece :P