Open Letter To Ronald McDonald

Dear Clown:

So, there I was, watching the Olympic opening ceremonies with two friends, both of whom are not Americans, but love their adopted homeland nonetheless.

A nice, heartwarming ad comes on touting the hard work and dedication of the Olympic athletes - only the reveal comes, and it turns out they're working hard to find a fast food chicken sandwich from McDonald's. I said to my friends, "That ad makes me ashamed to be an American". My Ukrainian friend replied, "It makes me ashamed for you."

Another similar ad came on last night, talking about getting up early and working get to McDonald's before they stop serving their breakfast - and chicken biscuits. My husband was as appalled as I had been some nights before.

Here's the thing - the ad campaign is tasteless, but then again, so are your chicken sandwiches.

If I want fast food chicken, McDonald's is going to place somewhere on my list below searching a dumpster at an abattoir.

Would you like to know why? This decade old photo of an actual McNugget that one of your customers found in their 9 piece box:

There is no amount of special sauce to cover up the fact that it's a chicken's head. Ew.

Now, I'll be the first to admit, I love your fries, I have a special place in my heart for your Quarter Pounders with Cheese, and sometimes, I actively crave McDonald's, even if I'm not drunk.

But I hate your ads. Sure, they got my attention, but then, so do loud noises and shiny objects.

I should have said goodbye as soon as the credits rolled on Supersize Me. I once kicked my addictive habit of your late night drive-thrus, then after six months, relapsed.

But Ronald, it's time you knew. We're done here. I'm just not that into you.

I'll miss your finely diced onions on the double cheeseburgers, I'll miss our secret early morning, calorie-laden trysts. But what it comes down to is this: I deserve a break today.

I'm Not Lovin' It,



Unknown said…
mmm finely diced onions. i love them too. but i have to agree with you i'm just not into fat-donalds anymore. give me chik fil-a anyday!