For Your Consideration

- If you are calling to ask me for information you intend to write down, please don't wait til I've started giving you the info to realize you're going to need a pencil.

- Just because I live in Nashville, doesn't mean that I love country music, or I've ever met Dolly Parton. I like some country, and once, I saw Porter Waggoner downtown.

- Just because I was born and raised in Atlanta doesn't mean I have a southern accent. Just because I don't have a southern accent doesn't mean I'm not southern.

- Wash your damn hands before you leave the bathroom. Seriously. If you don't believe me, search for Ignaz Semmelweis on Wiki or Google.

- When I see you in the grocery store wearing your scrubs, all I can wonder is what you might have been touching that day. And having recently spent time at a hospital, my imagination is vivid. Would it kill you to change into something different before you handle every tomato?

- I worry about people who don't find penis humor funny.

- I worry about people who read Mary Worth with no sense of irony.

- I'm a little tired of calling Target "Tar-zhay". It was clever the first few times, but I think they've started charging more for detergent because of it.

- Confidential to Hillary Clinton: I really wish I could like you, but I don't. I wish you were more comfortable in your own skin. There is a place for you in this world, but the White House isn't it. And as a woman, a feminist and a Democrat, I am asking you to step down now and let Obama run with it.

- Cashiers - when you're handing me back my change, don't give it all back at once - bills first, then coins. To perch the coins on top and hand them back together is passive-aggressive.

- Truett Cathy of Chick Fil A - we get it - God doesn't want you to work on Sundays. But I think you use a chemical in your sandwiches that makes me only want your food on Sundays.

- To the manager at the East Cobb PetSmart - you were bitching on Saturday that everyone wanted something from you. Guess what - you're in the service industry - when people stop wanting things from you - then you can bitch!

- I think Crocs are insanely ugly, but secretly, I'd like a pair in a really loud color.

- I think that Victoria's Secret is that she hates women and charges way too much money for crap. Save your money - sink it into really good bras (Wacoal makes some of the best) and then get a 5 pack of cotton Fruit of the Looms.

That's it for today.